Wait......I'm not ready!

Some of you may have noticed that when training with me, I will often say, oops! I wasn't ready :), or wait for me. I always kinda feel like I'm not quite at the same starting line as the rest of the group (any group). This is not a bad thing, I just dance to the beat of my own drummer - not always the best thing when lion dancing by the way! I think that I get ready for things in my own good time ( I think that is what my mom always says, "Robyn will do it in her own good time").
When I was a colored belt, this was a bit of an obstacle for me,(you know that stage when you are always looking at your neighbor to see what they are doing?) I felt like I took longer, needed more time, and wasn't ready. Now that I am a black belt, I can take my time, learn the skills that I need to when I am ready to and not compare myself to the rest of the group.
 I have been working hard at mastery for many years and I will continue to do so. This will look like me coming in early to get a bit of extra practice in, meeting with my wonderful friends when there are no classes to give each other feedback and share a story or two and going to the tri-leisure centre and pounding out some reps in order to figure out how to move my body with intent and purpose.
So I may not be ready right now but I will get there in my own time....just ask my mom :)
One of the most importance lessons that I have learned at kung fu is that it is my journey and mine alone, just as it is your journey and yours alone. When you are ready the next thing will be there waiting for you, this year or next year or the one after....you'll see.

It's where I belong.....

I have spent more time at the kwoon this week than has been my norm and I liked it. I have had the privilege of being around the people that I revere so much and guess what? They are just like the rest of us, doing the best they can with the tools they have, putting one foot in front of the other, etc. They have goals and they work hard to achieve them, they mess up and wish they would have done things differently and they have successes that they are proud of....just like the rest of us.....well, me actually. I spend a great deal of my time wishing I was just like them and then I have a little wake up call (thank you my friend) like I did this week, and I realize that I am exactly like them. That is why we get along so well and hang out so much, 'cause we all love that push to do better, that feeling that you get when you finally figure something out after so much trying and being together when it happens!
Thank you team, for helping keep my glasses clean, allowing the opportunity to run with the lions and accepting me. I appreciate that no matter what you are there :)
I know that I sometimes forget some of these things when I am away from the kwoon, thanks for the reminder.

Today I learned......

Today I learned to be quiet and speak about one really important thing instead of commenting or sharing my opinion about everything. I have learned this lesson before many many times but today for some reason, it really struck me how important it is to chose wisely if I want to share my knowledge with people. A long time ago when I was new at my job, I had a mentor that amazed me in his ability to stay quiet and not correct or comment on everything. I always wondered how can he not say something to add to or correct this very important moment? Today, I get it. Some of the things that the new people are so passionately discussing are the same things that I so passionately discussed when I was new. That is how he chose, he learned from many discussion and years what is important and what is something that everyone is discussing and that is okay. I think that I may be getting closer to being like that, kinda cool.
I think that it is a similar journey in my kung fu, when I was a new black belt, I was driven to share all that I learned with everyone. Mostly to spare them the pain and agony that I experienced on my journey but what I am learning is that everyone has to have their own journey and their own pain and agony, so they can learn their own lessons. I am finally understanding how my mentor can be quiet at times and redirecting at other times. He has learned the difference between lessons that I need to learn on my own and the ones that I need guidance with.
Pretty cool day, ended with an opportunity to train with some amazing peers :)

More radom thoughts than I originally intended

I have read some amazing blogs in the last couple of weeks, my teammates displaying insight, growth and progress. I feel like I don't have anything to contribute.
Each day I have to fight the fight to stay focused, stay on track and practice mindfully. I am not proud of this struggle, I am somewhat embarrassed.....I figured after all this trying really hard, I wouldn't have to try so hard everyday. I was wrong. I know that we all struggle in our own way, with different things (physical, mental and spiritual), and that I shouldn't be embarrassed about struggling with the same thing everyday for so long but I am.
I haven't been blogging because I feel like I don't have anything different to say.....today was hard but I got some stuff done! Tomorrow is a new day!!!!
I am trying really hard to stay positive and not give up, it is one of the hardest fights that I have had so far.
I did a lot of growing today, I am a better person than I was this morning - that is something.
Oh yeah, and I figured something out today! I am not embarrassed to bust out a form or some push ups but I am extremely shy about acts of kindness. That's my contribution to our conversation from Sat.