The Journey

 Feb/12 - i wrote this shortly after getting my black belt and was afraid that i was talking about it too much so i didn't publish it. today, it seems like the right time to do it.
A funny thing happened on my way to getting my black belt, I was so busy with the journey, I nearly forgot what I was going for. It may sound a little hard to believe but it is indeed true. Someone really smart always used to tell me that it is about the journey and once I completely understood that, then I would be ready. Of course, at the time I nodded my head and thought, no I WANT my black belt! I continued to train and believe in my really smart mentor and I began to notice that I really enjoyed training and I could see all kinds of changes happening. My thoughts were changing, my approach was changing and my skill level was improving. Once I immersed myself in that process, the end goal seemed less and less important.
So a couple of things have happened this week that brought me to this reflection. I opened my bag to ensure that I had everything that I needed for class and was surprised to see my black belt laying there, it was only a second but it was noticeable to me. Then I was thinking about extra training at the kwoon and my thought process was, first of all we will need a black belt, followed quickly by Oh Yeah, that's me. Then I was with a group of people about to embark on a training session, when I suddenly realized that I was the black belt in charge. All of these little instants have led me to the realization that I continue to be focused on my journey and I am no where near the end goal.
I think that I major part of my change in focus has been being a student member of the UBBT for the last couple of years and now the I Ho Chuan team. I just continued on with my training, I tallied my numbers on Dec.31 and began again on Jan.01. I think that I am now hard wired to set goals and work towards them every day. When I run into obstacles, I just figure away around them and keep going. Years ago, I remember all of the ' I can't ' statements that used to run through my head each day and now I look for solutions first.

Mar/12 - then i wrote this and again questioned whether or not i should share my thoughts and feelings, today i want to remind myself that i am on the right track
I often wondered what it would feel like to be a black belt and I had a difficult time imagining it. Now that I am here, I know that it feels exactly as it should, Fantastic! I feel like I am in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing, all the time, every day. Whether I am at the school, the track or at work, I am doing what I am meant to do and it feels pretty good.
I could describe all the incredible things that have been happening but that doesn't quite feel right. So I will leave it at this, if you work really hard to accomplish something, you will reap the rewards! It is totally worth it; the hard work, the self doubt, the struggles it takes to complete requirements everyday, all of it! And it makes you want to continue to work hard so that you continue to reap the rewards from it. It is pretty cool!

I often write my thoughts and feelings down on my blog shortly after they happen so that I can keep track of what was happening for me. Today I went back and reviewed all the drafts that I had and relived one of the best parts of my journey so far. On Jan.31/12, I made a list of all the cool things about the weekend (on the top of the list was the irresistible urge to smile non-stop) I didn't publish it and I probably won't but having it and re-reading it brought back all those wonderful feelings and thoughts. I was a non-believer when I started blogging, but now I can't imagine not thinking out loud (on my blog).
ps
I still can't stop smiling!!!!
:)

Gardening

I am looking forward to a gardening season where I have a bit more balance in my schedule so that I can enjoy my hobby. I enjoy digging in the dirt (even if I have to share it with the worms!), planting flowers and trying to make my small part of the world look pretty. I love to sit outside after all the flowers are planted and enjoying the sight and smell of them. My two favorite times are first thing in the morning with a nice cup of tea and a good book and after dinner as the sun sits just over top the houses across the street. I love the hard work, the sweat and fresh air. I could be out there for hours and not even notice the passing of time.

Path to Mastery

In a letter to us, I Ho Chuan members, Master Brinker has set in motion the lessons that we will learn this year. I thought that I would post it as a reminder of what we have set out to do. Sometimes when I look at all the expectations and all the requirements, they seem a bit over-whelming, but I know from experience that as long as you are pushing yourself, being mindful of where you are and what you are doing, a lot of the lessons will take care of themselves. A fine example is surrounding yourself with like-minded people that expect more of you than you do; when you are so busy trying to fit all your day to day requirements into your everyday life of work and family, you don't have time to spend time with people who are not on a similar path.
We will learn:

• Your yellow belt, your green belt, your black belt, your kung fu are all about MASTERY.
  
• MASTERY IS A PROCESS concerned with your journey toward your goals. It cannot be about the destination because as you continue to grow and evolve so will your goals and ambitions. The journey never ends.
  
• Many small things can add up to one big thing. Embracing and applying the concept of incremental progression is the CORNERSTONE OF DISCIPLINE.
  
• People you associate with affect your thinking, your values, and your self worth. They influence the value you place on your goals and hold sway over how you choose to live your life. Your commitment and level of engagement are so affected by your social peers that they may be THE MOST IMPORTANT INFLUENCE determining your success or failure.
  
• The success of your journey is measured by the efforts you put into it and the quality of the results. Work ethic and discipline will earn you respect but if you are not closing the distance on your goals, your efforts are without substance. Accordingly, progress without extraordinary effort can be attributed to luck and cannot be regarded as a result of your quest for mastery. MASTERY CAN ONLY BE FOUND IN THE EXTENT OF YOUR EFFORTS AND THE QUALITY OF THE RESULTS.
  
• YOUR LIFE IS YOUR KWOON. Your plan for mastery must hold value for your family and your career if you hope to keep your plan a high priority in your daily life. Recognizing the benefit your practice has on those within your sphere of influence, and maintaining that perspective, will dramatically improve your level of engagement.
  
• Failure is only final if you quit. SUCCESS IS BUILT UPON COUNTLESS FAILURES. Your ability to adapt your attitude and your practice to compensate for unseen challenges and setbacks will be the difference between your success and your failure.
  
• Your journey to mastery is YOUR JOURNEY, no one else's. It cannot be compared to another's journey and the scope of your accomplishments can only be completely realized by you alone. In order for your journey to have heart it must speak to you and be pertinent to your life.
  
• To be RECOGNIZED AS A MASTER, you must define yourself as such in the eyes of your teachers, your peers, and your community. Your personal journey must be transparent and its merit recognized by everyone who follows it.

Jeff Brinker
Master Instructor
Silent River Kung Fu

The Missing Link

Today was an amazing day. I went to the track and pushed myself harder than I have in quite some time and it felt great. I have been making excuses for the last couple of months for not doing it, but I think that I was really afraid to see if I still have it in me. While I was training for my black belt, I always did one more mile, 50 more push ups, one more rep and so on and I loved it. I loved seeing how hard I could go and be smiling like a fiend when it was over. My focus changed for a few months and I swore that I would get back to business as soon as I could. I have been working out; going for shorter runs than are my usual and always with a running commentary in my head telling me that I can't go as hard as before. Today, I got back to business, I didn't listen to the voice, at 5 km, I decided that I would push a little and see what happens. I soon as I got going, that feeling came back. The one that has been missing. I ran for nearly 9 km and I was exhausted and smiling when it was over. In fact, as I write this I am still smiling.
I think that is also what has been missing from my I Ho Chaun challenge, I know that I can do my daily requirements every day and complete my goals. I know that I need to push myself in order to complete my goals and feel satisified and today I proved it to myself once again.
I am definitely back in business and loving it.
:)

Something is missing.....

Last week was a little rough. I was lacking some motivation, direction and drive. I am not really sure what was going on but I have a pretty good idea. I have had to have a very specific training plan for a long time. It consisted of when and how much time to spend on different aspects of my kung fu and consequently myself. I had a really strict schedule that I created in order to accomplish all the things that I wanted to each day. I also needed to consider my work schedule, my family's schedule and my partner's schedule, in order to make my world go around. I kinda liked it, I kinda excelled because of it and I kinda need it in order to feel like I'm doing something.
So now, I have goals, I have a training schedule to adhere to in order to meet my goals and make my world go around but something is missing. I think that I miss the pressure that I put on myself. I believed that there were a certain number of things that I needed to do in order to reach my goals. I needed to seize each opportunity to train, if I felt like sloughing off, my brain would remind me of words often spoken my Sifu Brinker, "Is this an opportunity that I am willing to miss?" and I would go and train. I would also consider, what if I have a crisis at work tonight and I can't train, I better do it now, just in case.
Without this pressure, I have a sense of freedom and I am not really sure what to do with it. I know that I can and will reach my goals for this year because I have proven to myself that I can do it if I keep moving forward. Do I need to crank up the pressure by making my goals harder so that I feel like I am accomplishing something grand? I think that may well be the answer, I just need to figure out what it will be.