Sunday, April 1, 2012

Something is missing.....

Last week was a little rough. I was lacking some motivation, direction and drive. I am not really sure what was going on but I have a pretty good idea. I have had to have a very specific training plan for a long time. It consisted of when and how much time to spend on different aspects of my kung fu and consequently myself. I had a really strict schedule that I created in order to accomplish all the things that I wanted to each day. I also needed to consider my work schedule, my family's schedule and my partner's schedule, in order to make my world go around. I kinda liked it, I kinda excelled because of it and I kinda need it in order to feel like I'm doing something.
So now, I have goals, I have a training schedule to adhere to in order to meet my goals and make my world go around but something is missing. I think that I miss the pressure that I put on myself. I believed that there were a certain number of things that I needed to do in order to reach my goals. I needed to seize each opportunity to train, if I felt like sloughing off, my brain would remind me of words often spoken my Sifu Brinker, "Is this an opportunity that I am willing to miss?" and I would go and train. I would also consider, what if I have a crisis at work tonight and I can't train, I better do it now, just in case.
Without this pressure, I have a sense of freedom and I am not really sure what to do with it. I know that I can and will reach my goals for this year because I have proven to myself that I can do it if I keep moving forward. Do I need to crank up the pressure by making my goals harder so that I feel like I am accomplishing something grand? I think that may well be the answer, I just need to figure out what it will be.

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