Wellness - Dec.05/08

The catch word in offices across the country...wellness. How do we improve the wellness of the people that we work with? My manager has been talking about this for the past two years, casually. He has added it to a list of goals for the year, sort of at the end and not very enthusiastically. At first, I wasn't really paying attention to what he wanted, I was doing my own thing. I was taking care of the needs of the people on my team and in my unit. I was actively listening to them and trying to meet their needs, in hopes that they felt cared for. I was teaching, in my suicide prevention workshop, that it is important that we take care of each other, as no one else really understands what it is like to deal with suicide attempts as much as we do. I had no idea that I was helping the centre reach it's goal by exploring ways to promote wellness.
I recently joined a wellness committee and much to my surprise, I was surrounded by a dozen people who had the same goal as I do. Improve the wellness of the people around us. It was a very exciting first meeting, we talked about how to stop the negativity and discourage mediocrity. We talked about how to talk to people, in the moment, when faced with negative comments or a lack of drive to do a good job.
We planned a Christmas party of the staff and their families. We always focus on how to make Christmas a good time for our clients and their families, we seldom focus on the care givers ( that's us).
Everyone at the meeting was enthusiastic and eager to start the new year with positive acts towards others and a strive towards mastery. I believe that I am in the right place.
As this is an old journal entry, I can add to it. We did manage to throw a Christmas party for our workmates and their families. It was surprisingly easy with about six people chipping in some of their spare time. The results were amazing. I have never received so many positive comments about an event before. People were amazed that we threw a party just for them, no hidden agenda, no ulterior motive, just a party. They were also really excited about what they could do to improve the wellness of the people that we work with. This feels just like the acts of kindness project that I am working on. I am telling people about my goals to partake in acts of kindness and they want to do it too. In that same vein, I am telling people about improving the wellness of others and they want in. I see great things happening in the new year with the promotion of positive thinking in my work place and at home.

Goodbye Sara

This is Sara.
She died yesterday because her heart failed. She had a huge heart and was always giving little tiny kisses to make sure that everyone was okay. She liked to pretend that she was ferocious and had the meanest growl that I have ever heard, but she was the most gentle dog that I have ever played with. She liked to play "sock" and would run around the house with an old sock in her mouth and all I had to do was say,'give me that sock', every couple of minutes and she was content to run around the house. She was easy to love and gave us two big beautiful boys that she bossed around right up until the last day. She was not sick for long, just two days of not being herself. I won't pretend to understand why I had to lose her but I do understand that it hurts and I miss her. I find it hard to believe that the world is going on as usual when mine has come crashing to a halt. I will miss her for a long time, even if she was a bed hog and didn't give me a moments peace when it was time for her dinner or her walk. Last night I woke up several times wondering why I had so much room, she liked to lean on me in her sleep. As one can imagine, I usually ended up on the other side of the bed. My house seems empty without her, she was always looking for mischief and usually had help from the boys in finding it.
She was a good dog, now I have to go about the business of being as good a person as she thought I was.
Goodbye Sara.

BE THE ONE

One seed to start a garden,

One smile can lift a spirit,

One candle can light a room,

One conversation can start a friendship,

One person can make all the difference.

I have no idea what to write this week, I am all over the place with respect to my goals. Some are going really well and seem to be getting easier and others continue to be a struggle.
I did the math for my 100 day challenge the other day and realized that although I have been sick and injured, I can still reach my push up goal and if I push hard I can reach my sit up goal. The kick goal and the forms did not fair as well in the numbers due to injury and frustration. I am hoping to meet at least half of my numbers goal for these two.
I am not journaling as much as I would like, I don't seem to have enough time in the day. I am thinking about journaling often but it is just not happening lately.
I am following the Body for Life program and I am really enjoying it. I am enjoying seeing the muscles build and I feel really good on the food plan. There is something about eating six times a day that just speaks to my soul. I have completed two weeks and I feel really confident that I can continue to follow this program for a long time. Of course, this is part of why I don't have as much time for all my goals. Instead of running, I am swimming for my cardio workouts, and that takes a bit more time than strapping on my runners. I am thoroughly enjoying it and have mastered moving meditation without banging my head on the edge of the pool.
I am reading about peace in times of war and have discovered that this cute little book fits in my purse. So now I can easily take it where ever I go.
I love that I was given the opportunity to create my own goals. It has given me ownership and a drive that I didn't know that I possessed. I am working on my goals every minute of every day and I think that was part of the purpose of this exercise. I feel like I am improving my whole self to be a great martial artist.

Dog Philosophy

The reason a dog has so many friends is
that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous

If you pick up a starving dog and make him
prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the
principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain

Dogs are not our whole life,
but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras

My goal in life is to be as good
a person as my dog thinks I am.

Learning.....growing.....healing

It is amazing that something so small (my baby toe) can provide so much learning. I am having trouble pivoting on my right foot because of the broken toe. This has made me curious about how I do pivot on my left foot and how I might be able to modify it until my toe heals. Well, I have discovered that I am not satisfied with my pivot and I am pivoting too soon to produce power (especially in my side heel thrust). So all week I have been working on the timing and form of my kick and it looks like it might be improving a bit. It is interesting to break it down into separate parts and then put it back together. I am developing my eye for detail and I am also learning what it feels like to do it right so I can improve my at home training.
It is amazing the amount of learning and growing that occurs throughout a person's martial arts career. I keep thinking that I am done, what more could I learn and then something else pops up.
Learning Kung Fu is probably one of the coolest things that I have ever been a part of.

Wait.....there's more.....

I started the Body for Life program and I am very excited about it. I have dreamed about changing my body but I was never sure how to go about it. I now have the tools, the desire and the ability to make the changes that I want. I am encouraged by the changes that I see in the people around me who are also following the program. The visible changes are not ones that I would have expected (before I read the book), I am seeing confidence and focus in more than one area of their lives. I am seeing them accomplish things that they always considered pipe dreams. I am encouraged and inspired by these people and I am excited to embark on this part of my journey. Here are my goals for the next 12 weeks:

1. In 12 weeks, I will see muscle change.
2.In 12 weeks, I will lose 20 lbs.
3.In 12 weeks, I will increase my energy.
4.In 12 weeks, I will stick with the program every day.
5.In 12 weeks, I will tell others about the program.

I think that this is the first step in accomplishing my body image goal for my black belt and it feels good.

After a While

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises

And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,

With the grace of a woman,
Not the grief of a child

And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After awhile you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
In stead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth,
and you learn and learn...
With every good bye you learn.
Veronica Shoffstall 1971

Goal Review

Knitting- I made a couple of hats this week, shared a new pattern with my mom and gave her feedback and encouragement to keep going. I checked in with one of my friends and she posted our project on face book and has enlisted a friend in Calgary to join us. She also handed in a couple of dozen hats. At the rate that this project is growing, it will be difficult to estimate the completed number.

Nutrition, etc. - I am reading a few books:
"Body for Life for Women", it talks about the specific requirements women need to stay healthy at different stage of their life. I'm still processing the information, so no sage advice yet.
I'm reading the "Thrive Diet" and exploring the possibilities of a vegan or vegetarian diet. This requires more study since some of the foods are foreign to me. It is very interesting to learn more about how food affects not only our energy level but our moods and mind sets.
I'm also reading "The Fighter's Body" which focuses on fueling the body to be the best martial artist that you can be. I have always focused on losing weight, keeping weight down etc. so this is new perspective for me. I'm enjoying the brain challenge.

Self Image - this is a tough one for me. I have been trying to change the image I see in the mirror for as long as I can remember. I have recently changed the focus to accepting the image that I see in the mirror. I am beginning to change what I see in small, short bursts but still revert back to the old image constantly. I am still exploring tools and methods for making this change. So far, the best method has been starting to talk about it and not trying to make the change alone.

Running - this has taken on an interesting twist, no sooner had I proclaimed the goal out loud, and I broke my baby toe. You would think that the smallest one would not be that big of a deal. Well, after spending a few days listing all the things that I can't do, I began to figure out what I can do. So for the past two weeks, I have been swimming laps instead of running. It will improve my lung capacity and continue to strengthen my legs. The future challenge will be how do I continue to swim (which I am remembering that I love) and run to train for the 1/2 marathon.
-Getting others involved is a slow process, it seems difficult to convince others that starting to train now for something that is eleven months away is a worth-while journey ( plus I can't say, hey, let's go running together). I guess that I'll keep talking until I can turn some doubters into believers. I will employ the "One More" method to increasing my mileage. I increased my running by one more lap and eventually one more mile. This will again be my plan as soon as I can wear my runners again.

Reading books to improve my impact on the world - I have just started reading " How to make the world a better place " by Jeffery Hollender. It is jam-packed with ideas and information on how to have a positive impact on our community. It gives addresses and phone numbers of organizations you can contact to get involved. Most of these are in the states but I am sure there are many similar organizations in Canada.

Fitness Goals - these seem to ebb and flow. Some weeks I exceed my goals and other weeks I don't come close. I have decided that I will push myself to do as much as I can when I feel great and push myself to do a little when I don't feel good or have a recent injury. My newer goal inside a goal is to have no blank days on my calendar. This means that I will do something, anything everyday. This feels more realistic to me than the large numbers I was striving for before. I think that I can achieve the large numbers using this method.

Acts of Kindness - This has got me to journal every day, which I am enjoying. It seems like the more I journal... the more I journal. It has also made me super aware of the actions of people around me and the impact I have on the people in my world. The first day that I started this goal, I broke my toe and had to rely on others to do things for me. To my delight, my friends and family were excited about doing my acts of kindness for me, what a great way to start a new goal. Here is a list of things to try:
-smile at someone you don't know
-thank your mail person
-give someone a hug
-tell someone you love him or her
-put some change in an expired meter
-pay someone a genuine compliment
-write a card to someone you haven't seen in a while
-call your oldest friend
-list the birthdays of everyone you know, post the list on your fridge - then send a card or phone each one on the birthday
-let someone pull in front of you in heavy traffic
-listen to a child
-pay toll/coffee for the car behind you
-give the person in front of you at the check out a little money if he is short of cash
-help someone carry groceries to the car
-give a parent a break - watch their child for an hour
I found this list in one of my new books, I have tried quite a few and plan to implement a few more. I really enjoying all that I am learning from this goal.

And so....the journey continues.

My Goals for My Black Belt

This is me, planting my own garden.

So here goes.....
I have set goals for myself that I will accomplish over the next year and they are requirements for my black belt. I am publishing them in order to stay focused and hold myself accountable.

1. Knit preemie hats and donate them to a hospital
-tell others about the project
-solicit help by having people make hats (crochet or knit) or donate baby yarn.
-teach people how to knit or crochet or how to make hats (share my patterns)
-call the hospitals to find out they would like them to arrive, all at once, or as they are ready

2.Read, learn, research about diet and nutrition
-what does my body need to perform the best it can be?
-how to fuel the body and not gain weight?
-how to lose weight and remain strong?

3.Self Image!
-can I change the image in the mirror?
-tools for that....books, self-talk, talking with others who have the same/similar issues

4.Run the 1/2 Marathon in Sept/09
-run three times a week, increasing distance, time and strength as I go along
-raise money and awareness for Suicide Prevention
-leadership - get others to commit to and train for the run

5. Read books on how to positively increase/improve my impact on the world
-use UBBT reading list
-ask black belts and students for ideas, suggestions
-check local library

6.Fitness goals to be completed by Sept/09
-33,800 push ups
-34,500 sit ups
-kicks - 9 different ones that I will change every three months - 8,450 each
-364 completions of each form that I know

7.Record acts if kindness each day
-do at least three acts of kindness per day
-record acts, impact on my thought process and the behavior of others around me


That's it for now! It has been a challenge in itself to put this out there, it feels good and scary all at the same time. I am very much looking forward to the next 11 months.

Here's the fun part for me:

Interested in being a part of my journey? I would like to gather a group of people interested in running the marathon next year. We could train together or share training tips, encourage each other and then run together sporting our Silent River t-shirts. We could also, as a group, spread the work about suicide prevention and how it affects more lives than one realizes and how important it is to raise money for this cause.

Are there any knitters or crocheters out there? You don't have to publicly come out of the knitting closet like I did, you can catch me at Silent River if you are interested in donating to this. I am also available to teach people who are interested, how to knit or crochet.

Know any good books to read? I will attempt any thing once, okay maybe twice, I am reading/listening to 'Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance' for the second time. I am looking for anything on the topics mentioned in my goals.

I think that hardest part of this whole goal setting experience is going to be hitting that publish button. Holy risk factor, batman!!!!!

TRUELY INSPIRED

We are blessed to have each other. I look around at our Kung Fu family and I am in awe that I am part of such an amazing group of people.

I have not been able to train for approx. ten days and this has allowed me to step back and have a good look around me. I see committed people working hard to meet their goals, overcome their obstacles and improve themselves. Everyone has their own methods, their own paths, and needs but what I see in each person in our family is that they are being true to themselves.

It is awesome to see people working individually and together in pursuit of mastery. People are being supportive, encouraging, and challenging. Our kwoon is brimming with positive energy, you can almost feel the personal growth of each person.

So, what's my point? I think that we need to appreciate what we have and not take it for granted. I have questioned whether or not I belonged here in the past. The answer is, I am exactly where I belong, surrounded by people with similar goals and aspirations. One of my goals is to overcome my uncertainties and shyness and be more of a leader. How am I going to accomplish this? Well, by emulating the leaders around me, by being positive, supportive and encouraging. And last but not least, I will try to share my journey through journaling.

This started out being an entry about the trials and tribulations of training when unable to do anything physical. As I started writing, I realized the positive lessons and observations that I have acquired lately. I prefer this positive perspective.

Because I said I would.

On Aug.30, 2008, I did 1000 push ups. The experience was not what I expected right from the beginning. I told my family that I wanted to do what I said I would even though I wasn't feeling great. They responded with enthusiasm and encouragement. They continued this throughout the day, stating that they knew this was a challenge that I could meet. I needed that little push more than once when I considered stopping.

I was also surprised by some of the reactions that I received from the people that I work with, I have learned a lot about how others view the world. Two people stand out in my mind, one said, ' I would just not do it and tell everyone that I did.' and the other said, 'How can they make you do that?'. I did not know how to respond to these people. A million questions came to mind, including; how did they get this way, how will this attitude affect our world and how can I help them view the world differently? I could have given each of the a lecture about being true to yourself and being a living example to others but I didn't. I simply said, 'Because I said I would'. Each person looked puzzled by my response, I'm hoping that they will eventually get it.

I started this challenge thinking that I would learn some profound lesson about myself. There was not lesson to learn, I already knew that I could accomplish anything that I set my mind to. I did learn a lot about the people in my world and which ones to surround myself with in my pursuit towards mastery.

Aug.14/08 Obstacles.....

When creating a plan, you always talk about obstacles and what to do about them. I was so excited about my plan and so eager to start putting it into play that no obstacle seemed too high. And then reality began to settle in and life got in the way. I was tired from a busy day at work, I wanted to spend time with my family, I wanted to walk my dog, I wanted to hang with my brother who is moving away and so on... This is where the rubber meets the road. I need, for me, to spend an hour each day on my training, regardless of what is going on in my life. How do I do that? Pure determination! I love how I feel after each session and I love how my head works when I have kept a promise to myself.
So I have some catching up to do but the lesson learned was valuable. I can talk a good game but have to live it for the lesson to sink in. Now I know and I can plan accordingly, like maybe half an hour twice a day might work better on a busy day. I think that if I remain aware and flexible that I can stick to this plan and succeed.

WOW

I have had the best week. I made a commitment to myself to create a training plan that I could stick to and I am doing it. It feels fabulous. Since I made this mental shift and decided to make my Kung Fu my own, many aspects have seemed to fall into place;

1. I am keeping promises that I make to myself by saying I'm going to work out tomorrow and then getting up and doing it. I think this is the foundation for all the other cool stuff that is happening.

2. I have been practicing Tai Chi for approximately one year and something just didn't feel right. On Saturday morning, Sifu Dennis and I figured out that if I bend my legs more my chi will flow better. Now my Tai Chi has gone from feeling cool to feeling incredible. The flow in my Kung Fu forms has also improved as a direct result of this eye opening experience.

3. I was working with my stick yesterday and received some help with my double articulation. (I've never been able to figure it out) Suddenly, I understood it, I was doing it. As I was watching myself do it, all the advice and direction that I have received throughout the years was flowing through my brain and I was able to apply it.

Each one of these things feel like an amazing break through to me. I want to jump and down and yell, " I get it, I get it!!!!". Of course, that would not be mature.

It seems to me that I am now on the path that I need to be on to be the martial artist that I want to be, and I have developed the insight to know when I need to change directions. I feel like I am open to receive the help and direction that I need. I think, before, that I was so focused on doing things right, pleasing my teachers and having them think that I was doing well that I was blind to what I needed to do. I needed to take charge of my Kung Fu. I needed to own it. I created a training plan that is challenging and realistic. It is something that I can follow. It is not what everyone else is doing, it is tailor-made for me by me.(I was inspired by Sifu Beckett).

This mental shift has given me a boost of energy that blows me away. I am enthusiastically approaching my training everyday, I am attending to the daily tasks of living and going to work in a positive head space. At the end of the day, I go to sleep, content in the knowledge that I have given and received all that the day had to offer.

63 weeks to grading

Goals?

I figured it was easier than it is. It sounds easy, you chose a goal, you make a plan, you solicit a coach, you review your progress, your adjust your goal, and there you have it. The reality of setting a goal and working towards it every day, regardless of what else is going on in your world is huge. It is not an easy thing to do.

I'm going to tell a little story...well, it's a big story to me because it is mine. In Sept.2007, I decided that I wanted to grade for my black belt in 2008. I was a brown belt with some work to do to earn my stripes but I was confident that I could achieve my goal. I created a plan to work on my stripes and decided that I would work really hard once I became a Sihing. My wonderful family was in full support of my goal and plans. We re-arranged the chores and tasks in our household so that I would have more time for training. This has worked out really well and we manage to accomplish the tasks of daily living in a more efficient manner. I also worked very hard at my training throughout this time. I practiced my forms, worked to improve my techniques and tried to soak up as much knowledge as possible from everyone around me. I have improved in these areas but I have not reached my goal. This is not a bad thing, in fact, it is a great thing. I have re-evaluated my goal and re-structured my training plan and I am very excited about how I am going to reach my goal. Over the past ten months, I have been focused on my goal, not on my journey. I have enjoyed some of my successes but not really the journey I was on. I kept thinking that it will be great in retrospect, once I reach my goal, the journey will seem fabulous. I am ready to begin a journey that I have planned and created, not one that I think that I should be on. My new goal is to grade for my black belt and I have many exciting things to accomplish before then. I can't wait.

64 weeks until grading.

Go Fly a Kite

I have been thinking about stress and how we deal with it. When you meet someone who is experiencing stress in their life, one of the first things that they will tell you is that they do not have time for their usual stress relievers.

I have what is considered a high stress job and at times I have found myself falling into the trap of "not enough time to stress relieve". Well , I have learned that if I take care of myself everyday then IT(stress) doesn't get out of control. So I was pretty confident that I had IT under control and if anyone had asked I would have smugly let them know how to control their daily stress. Recently, I have had to eat a bit of crow because I thought I could recognize stress in myself. I returned from work a couple of days ago to find my daughter and husband preparing to go and fly their kites. I was invited along and accepted quickly, thinking that it would be fun to tag along. So we get to the field and instructions are given and we are off, it took several attempts but I managed to get my kite in the air and do a few tricks while it was up there. Wow, what a relaxing, stress free way to spend half an hour. I was not even fully aware that I was carrying around that much stress until it was gone. It was such a simple, basic, enjoyable thing to do and it did such a big job including making me realize stress can hide.

The lesson I learned was to appreciate the smaller joys in life, and that stress relieving doesn't have to be a large gesture, as long as it is affective. I have made a promise to myself to try to be more compassionate to those that share their life stressors with me and try to help them find simple, doable solutions to their issues.

Intensity.....What is it????

This is my brother when he was in Afghanistan. When I think of intensity I think of him, doing his job in a combat zone.

in·ten·si·ty (in’tensitee)

- Exceptionally great concentration, power, or force.

It all starts with your mind, how you think, what you think and when you think. If you are thinking of other things while you are doing kung fu, you will not be intense. You need to focus your mind on the task at hand and think of nothing else. This will translate into your limbs, when you are intense, you portray this with your entire being. It is evident in your breathing, it will be calming breathes that go all the way to your abdomen and from your abdomen, all the way out. Your body will move with purpose and awareness, with focus and fluidity. You will feel totally in tune with your body's movements, your mind will be completely focused on what you are doing.
Intensity for me is when I'm in the zone, I am what I'm doing, thats all I'm thinking and feeling, the moment of the form, kick or punch.

strengths and weaknesses

My strengths in Kung Fu lie in the fact that I never give up. I keep on trying until I get it right. If it is a form, I keep practicing it until it feels right and if it is a technique, then I keep asking questions until I understand how it works and I can apply it. I am a visual learner. This means that things make more sense to me when I see how they work. So when I am practicing, I visualize how I have seen a technique or form done and then I try to copy that. A problem that arises is that I am not sure how I look doing it so I can't tell whether it is right or wrong. I am quite busy in my head, visualizing how I have seen a sifu do a technique or a form that I have a difficult time seeing how I do it. When I am doing techniques, if it feels right then I think that it is right. When I am doing kicks or punches, I don't have a feel for them and can't seem to tell what they look like to others or me in the mirror. I think that I need to do it wrong and then right so that I can figure out how it feels and then I can see what it looks like when it feels right.

I also have a difficult time understanding expectations. For example, this assignment, it did not occur to me to write about my Kung Fu strengths and weaknesses. In my world, we talk about our feelings and how we were feeling when something has happened and the inner turmoil that we experience while trying to figure out our feelings. I guess in retrospect, the assignment was too easy, (I have explored my feelings before) that should have been my first clue that something was amiss. I have had a much more difficult time writing this because I am not sure what my strengths and weaknesses are when I do Kung Fu. This goes back to my other comments, I don't know what I look like, wait a minute! I do know what I look like but I don't know if I look how I am supposed to. So I see myself in the mirror, executing a front thrust kick, it looks good to me because I know how I look when doing it. The problem is I don't know if I am doing it right. I guess my first step in developing an eye for detail is in figuring out what I look like when I am doing a proper kick or punch or technique.

A black belt has worked very hard on the requirements and perfected them. They have set goals and made plans to acquire them. They have practiced their forms until they can do them backwards, they have studied the techniques until they understood their every nuance, they have become martial artists in the process. This is my goal, to become a martial artist. I believe this process has already begun.

What is a Black Belt?

A Black Belt is someone that I look up to, someone who has set high personal goals and worked hard to attain them. A black belt is a role model, they must act as if their every action is being scrutinized. They must be a positive participant in their community, be it raising money for charity or volunteering. A black belt is strong, mentally and physically. They are good teachers, they can transfer their passoin for Kung Fu to their students. Black belts are friendly and approachable. They are encouraging and good leaders, they are also very good listeners. They make time for their students and are empathetic to their challenges. They are understanding as well because they remember what it was like to learn something new.

I have some obstacles to overcome. I am easily discouraged when obstacles seem too big, this is temporary. Once I have re-assessed and figured out a new way then I try again. I am a procrastinator, especially if I am unsure of myself or my abilities. I will leave tasks or assignments to the last possible minute. Ironically, I know that if I started earlier, then I would have a better outcome. This does not always change the behavior. I also lack self confidence; I use self talk and try to keep my thoughts positive but I don't always believe in myself. This is one of those deep down, not really sure how to make a permanent change, kind of things. When I meet new people, they often say that I appear very confident. I think that I over-compensate, sometimes, I can fool myself.

I like helping others. I enjoy teaching, giving advice and guidance. If I don't know the answer to a question then I will figure out where to get the answer. I try to understand other people's obstacles by relating them to my own. I am a very hard worker and I am determined to achieve my goals. When one of my strategies is not working then I re-assess and try again. I am loyal and honest. I try to be supportive to everyone in my world; my family, my friends. my co-workers and my Kung Fu family. I am kind to people that I meet on the street and I am kind to my environment. I like helping people when they are struggling with their grocery cart or dropping their stuff as they go to their car. I also like to help look after our world, I pick up garbage where ever I see it and don't ever litter myself. I think if we all do a little it will add up to a lot. I try to never be too busy to continue these habits.

Proud Kung-Fu Mom

So here's a super cool thing that happened. One day, I was too busy to do my push ups, so the next day, I did 300 to catch up. I have been doing my push ups at home mostly with my family as an audience and a constant source of encouragement. To say the least, they were very proud of the 300 push up day. Then a couple of days later, after I had finished my push ups for the day, Katie says 'Hey mom, look what I can do!' and proceeds to do 15 push ups without stopping. I give her tons of praise as she only used to be able to do 10 in a row. Then she proceeds to (15 at a time) do 150 push ups just like mom! Oh what a feeling. The greatest form of flattery is when someone copies what you are doing.


I have always tried to be a role model to her and have always shared my beliefs with her. One of the things that I believe is important is the ability to set goals, figure out how you are going to attain them and make a plan to work towards them. I have demonstrated this to Katie throughout her life in my work and in my leisure activities. It sure is cool when it works.

Success or Failure

I think that some people get stumped when facing the possibility of failure. It paralyzes them and prevents them from moving forward and accomplishing their goals and dreams. This is definitely an obstacle that needs to be hurdled. Sometimes just recognizing that that is what you are doing is enough to change the behavior and other times you need to dig down deep and find the courage to overcome your fears. I also think that some people get just as paralyzed by the fear of success. This may sound kinda weird but think about it, success has a lot of responsibilities. There are more expectations placed on you by yourself and others. The drive to keep succeeding is also there, if you can do this then you can do more.

I think that both of these obstacles are part of the inner demon that everyone has to face. You know, that little voice in your head that you need to pacify before you can move on? We all have it. I use self talk to deal with mine. Not just a morning chat in the mirror, some days constant, encouraging dialogs in order to get the job done. I also wonder how much these fears work on our subconscious and how much that can change or effect our behavior. Let me explain. If the fear of success is deep rooted and you are doing everything that you can to overcome the fear, is there a possibility that you can sabotage your success subconsciously? And does that mean that you have to dig deeper to figure out the root of the problem?

I don't know the answer to these questions but putting them out there gives me more food for thought. I suspect that sometimes I am afraid of success, and if I accomplish something then I won't measure up. So is this just a fancy way of saying that I am, in the long run, afraid of failure? Whenever a set a goal for myself, it does not become real until I tell people what it is. Once I have done that, I begin to doubt, not my ability to accomplish the goal, but my ability to be a successful person. I have an example that takes a bit of explaining but I will try. I am a Child and Youth Care Counsellor and I belong to an association that certifies worker indicating that they are qualified to do the job. In order to get certified you must write a lengthy exam (three hours) and then if you pass, you have an oral exam (which is much of the same type of questions but just nerve racking as it is in front of a panel of your peers). The material covered is vast as it involves theories on child development, signs and symptoms of different types of abuse, family therapy, and treatment of all of these things. It takes time to prepare for this exam and while I was preparing I was quite confident that I was taking all the necessary steps in order to successfully pass the exam but something was niggling in the back of my mind the whole time, 'What if I pass?' I was not worried at all that I might fail but I was petrified beyond belief that I might pass. I did not give the notion much time or thought and it did not grow past the niggling feeling but it was real. I think that if I would have given the notion more air time, it could have been a bigger obstacle. Well, I did pass and I lived and now I teach others how to pass the exam and overcome their fears. Each time I set a goal, long or short term, there is that niggling feeling, 'What if I succeed?'

Starting Point

I think that I want to write about my journey, but I am not exactly sure what that is going to look like. Kung Fu has changed my life so much, that I don't know where to begin to talk about it. I guess I can start at the beginning. In 2003, I attended my first Chinese New Year and Black Belt Ceremony and I was blown away by the stories that I heard. I was so moved by the one journey that I heard that I leaned over and whispered to my husband, one day, I would like to do something like that. At first, it didn't seem possible and there seemed to be many obstacles in my way and it seemed like one of those dreams that you take out every once in while and sigh about. One day, I learned that there was a way around some of the obstacles and there were people willing to help me over the others. When I look back over the past five years, some of the obstacles that seemed so challenging at the time, now appear to have been easy. I just needed to push myself. For example, getting up at 7:00 am for the morning class after working until 11:00 pm the night before. At times it seemed impossible, now it is just part of what I do because I love Kung Fu.
I am sure that I have many more obstacles to face but I am confident that I can find a way around them and that I have the supports in place to help me.