Sullivan and Kiddog

These are my boys in the first year of their lives. They are much bigger now and each time that I look at them, I see these two little faces. They are capable of giving so much love and understanding that it is incredible. It doesn't matter if I work late, sleep in or spend all day training, they still great me with all of their enthusiasm and love. They will turn eight this year and their little faces have more grey hair than black, they take a few more naps than they used to but they jump around like puppies when the leashes come out. They like to cuddle, watch movies and eat grapes. They make me laugh, cry and fill my heart with love. These are my boys.

What I am thinking about!

I have so many things going on in my brain right now that I am not really sure what to write about. Here is a list in no particular order:
- I am lucky that my family is patient with me
- I love my pet family, especially the cuddling part (yes!boxers do cuddle, you just have to get used to breathing with nearly 100 lbs. on your lap)
- I love my job, especially seeing the personal growth before my very eyes.
- I love kung fu, practicing, learning and teaching
- I am so glad that spring is nearly here (I am not in denial, spring will be here soon)
- I feel stronger and stronger everyday
- I keep running in to people in public places that used to train and are thinking of starting again. I have had opportunities to share my passion.
- I don't understand mean people, do they know that they are mean?
- I worry about where are leaders are leading us, who's agenda is most important to them? The best interest of the people or their own best interest?
- I have the greatest daughter on earth
That's my list, so many thoughts, so little time.
Until next week, work hard and have fun.

Fitness Test - Before and After

Before
Today we are going to have a practice fitness test. I am not really sure if I want to do this, I am a little bit nervous about my numbers (what if they are not good enough?), I am a little worried about injury (what if I hurt myself and can't practice for a long time?) and I a little bit chicken to do the whole thing. I was considering canceling the whole thing when I got up this morning, visions of reading my book and drinking my tea were dancing around in my head. I am going and I am going to give it my all.
After
So I did it and I am very glad. My numbers were better than they have been, I didn't hurt myself and I managed to swallow my chickenness. When I got there, I felt like turning around and leaving. I was totally scared to face me and find out where I was at. I am really good at practicing stuff and doing fitness everyday but I am a big baby when it comes to testing myself. I did it!!! I took a big breath at the beginning of each test and I went as hard as I could. The result is that I feel fantastic.
I am also glad that I started this blog this morning because I am not too sure I could have described my fears as well after they had passed.
Until next week, work hard and have fun.

Take the public path, I dare you!

It is easy to say that you will travel your journey publicly, it is quite another to do it. It means sharing all your trial as well as your triumphs. It is not as easy as it sounds.
I struggle with my nerves, when I get nervous, I say things that are uncharacteristic and I do things that I am unaware of. I am not even sure if I can explain this very well. My main goal this year is to get a handle on my nerves. This means that I will be able to perform in situations where I am really nervous (such as the black belt test). My plan is to put myself in situations where I am uncomfortable and nervous and try to perform. This week there was some action to my plan and it was pretty scarey. I decided that I needed to break some boards in front of a whole bunch of people. Sounds like a great idea, not so easy to put into practice. The busiest time at the kwoon is between classes, so that was the time that I chose. Two very cool things happened that night; one - I managed to focus on only the task at hand and not on all the people watching and two - I learned that I am not performing as well as I could be and narrowed down what I should be working on. The next thing that I did was volunteer to be in a demonstration for our school. This, I figure, was another good way to test the nerves, be able to perform my form in public. This turned out not too bad as well, I am pretty sure that I got through the whole form, it wasn't my best performance but I learned more about how I move when I am nervous.
All in all a good but hard week. I will continue to share my journey, even the hardest parts to the best of my ability.