More plans and getting readyness

I was excited to discover this week that my teammates are also getting ready for an amazing year! I started to follow two new teammates blogs and I look forward to discovering extraordinary-ness with them. I think that it is going to be a year of amazing discovery for all of us. I have been spending my free time trying to figure out how my goals are going to fit in to my everyday schedule. I will be adding a few things that I wasn't doing this year so it will take some work but I think that it can be done if I stay focused. I have also had a bit of down time this week so that I could plan for the coming year. I think that I am going to start blogging everyday on Jan. 01 so that I can test out how it will be, I will also start some of my other everyday goals so by the time that Feb.01 rolls around, I will have established a routine and be totally ready for amazingness! I am so ready to charge into the Year of the Horse!

Acts of Kindness - who really benefits

I love this time of year, not just for the pile of presents and the tons of food. I love that it gives people an opportunity to be nice to each other. I see them lending a hand to their fellow man, smiling a greeting, letting someone go in front of them and on and on. I used to be one of those people who hurried to get all the errands done, not really caring who I ran into or failed to notice, because I just wanted to get my stuff done. I really try hard not to be that person any more; I look around when I am shopping, smile at people, sometimes strike up conversations about anything, I help people wherever I go. Two very memorable acts made my week, I helped an elderly lady to her car and got some sage advise about aging (made me smile for days) and I overheard a couple discussing how the whole cart things works (do you need money or a special chip?) they both sounded super frustrated, so I offered them my cart. The look of surprise and gratitude has stayed with me all week and their shouts of Merry Christmas were heartfelt. 

When I first joined the UBBT team as a student, I wasn't really sure how the acts of kindness thing was going to work out. I was generally a nice person, helped people in trouble and although I could see how others might have benefited from the exercise, I certainly wasn't in need of any help in that direction. Of course, I couldn't have been more wrong! I'm not really sure how it worked but somewhere along the way, I began to transform into someone new. I began to be someone who looked for opportunities to help others and offer help even if it wasn't necessarily needed. I am a nicer person, I have developed compassion for the people that I encounter every day and I hope that I can teach others to adjust their mindset to do the same.

I am curious about how this particular requirement will enhance my life this year, the year of the Horse!

Patience

I have recently reaped the rewards of working towards and attaining my black belt, again! It taught me patience with myself and the learning process. My learning process is unique to me and I'm okay with that, I like to take my time and understand all the different parts before I am satisfied enough to move on. When I first started kung fu I was more concerned about keeping up with those standing beside me than learning the material. It was a learning experience for sure but the most valuable lesson that I could have ever learned. I am learning something new and I am in no hurry to get it done or learn it all. I am content to practice the pieces that I have and I can see that I am getting better each time I practice. I am grateful to kung fu for teaching me to accept my limits and to know when to push beyond them. I have never felt so calm and confident while learning something before and I like this feeling.

No kwoon for me!

This week had more to do with using the skills that I have learned in kung fu then practicing them. No I didn't get in a street fight! I did, however, need to use the patience that I have learned, was totally tested in the self control department and had to ramp up my treating everyone nicely skills (even if you disagree with them with your whole being). I was not at the kwoon at all this week except for Saturday and that is hard for me because I get re-charged for all the other parts of my life while I am at the kwoon. I try to manage the separation by reading the blogs and keeping up with what is happening on kwoon talk. I have one more week of not being there and then I am on holidays, hopefully I can manage until then. :) 

Goals, plans, thoughts

I have been working on my goals for next year for a while now and it is starting to get to the exciting part, making a plan. I have created a list of all the things that I would like to accomplish and now I am creating a plan for each thing so I can figure out if they are doable or not. I love a good plan so I really enjoy this part of the process.
Some of my goals require some prep work and a little research. Some of them require some determination and some 'just get it done' ness. It is shaping up to be a great year.
I had a great week at classes; I learned a lot in the kids classes and sweated a lot at Saturday's classes. It felt good at the end of the week to reflect and see that I had kept a few promises to myself this week and didn't give in to mediocrity.

I feel a little disjointed and not sure what or how to write this week's blog. I want to share what my week has been like but I am not really sure how to write it. I guess I want to say that I am really feeling positive about where I am with my Kung Fu right now. I am attending classes and working hard. I am setting goals and making plans. I am trying to create an atmosphere where everyone feels comfortable doing the same thing. I don't want anyone to feel left out or like they can't accomplish what others are accomplishing, I think that with the right attitude, we can all accomplish what we set out to.

It's totally working....

...last week I thought that I was only going to be able to attend Tuesday's classes and nothing else, but life threw me a gift and I was able to attend black belt class as well. Both classes were an amazing work out and I am very grateful that I was able to attend. When I have sore muscle (or aching anything really), then I work harder when I am not at class, so that the next one isn't that hard. It is like self-motivation to not hurt.
During the Dragon Dance at the Tiger Challenge, I was really struggling to find my breath about half way through it, but I didn't have any choice but to continue. I learned that I am probably being to soft on myself and a little too worried that I will get sick again. So last week I worked my butt off at San Shou, this week, San Shou and the fitness class. I can't wait to push myself beyond the arbitrary limits that I set for myself. :)

Hanging with my Peeps!

I should have blogged yesterday because I had a bunch of great thoughts, today, not so much!
I believe that I have cured my blues....all it took was some determination, a few bruises and a lot of sweat. I went to San Shou this week and worked my butt off. It was doubley hard because usually someone else is running the class and it is easy to follow along but it was just me and Sihing Tymchuk, so we had to push ourselves. It was great! Lot's of laughs, hard work and a few bruises. Just what I needed.
I know that I have said this many, many times, but hanging out with like minded people sure does make a difference in my world. I feel like I can handle anything else when all is right in my Kung Fu world. Sometimes, it is enough to do my training, but sometimes I need to hang out with the folks that I have trained beside for years. My openness about feeling crappy has also lead to some great conversations with everyone about how they feel the same way sometimes, thank you all for your support (and hugs too!) This week it was definitely the answer to what ailed me.
I am going to push myself to attend more San Shou classes, the next time that I am available on a Saturday, I am going to go to the fitness class (bad lungs have kept me away far too long), and I am going to go to the kwoon on Tuesdays and Thursdays an hour before my classes start so that I can practice my forms. Of course, this is in addition to all my regular classes.
I have discovered that being without the I Ho Chuan team is much harder for me than being on it. I love the strength of the team, the motivation to get things done so that you don't let anyone down, and being around like minded people all the time. I can't wait until the Year of the Horse and I can get back to my normal, being on the team. I have spent a great deal of time this year deciding what my goals will look like based on what I want to accomplish next year, it is going to be great! I have already laid the ground work on some of my goals so that I can hit the ground running.

me on the left!!!!!!

Yuck

Feeling yuck in my head, no motivation, no get up and go! Just yuck!!!

Tiger Challenge

Yesterday was the Tiger Challenge and what a great day that it was! It was fun to have a whole swack of black belt to help with the Lil Leopard's class, I think that the kids really enjoyed it and we played my favorite game, the shark game and it was hilarious. I loved the Dragon and Lion Dance, it was so fun and I think that it looked pretty cool too!
The tournament part was a blast! It was fun watching the kids push themselves to do better than ever before and strife to win a medal. It was interesting being a judge for some of the teen/adult divisions, I could really see through all the nervousness to all the hard work that went into preparing for the day. I loved to watch the board breaking, I know the hard work and determination that goes into that challenge and it is cool to see their faces when the boards break.
The gathering after the tournament was a nice way to end the day, sharing some food and stories put a cap on how great the day was.
As for me and my performance, I was ridiculously nervous and made a mistake or two but I got through it and that was important. I spent the last few months (not knowingly) convincing myself that it was okay to only go in one division, that it was good enough. I realized yesterday that I let myself down. I did not give myself the opportunity to be challenged and that is what it is all about. Even though I practice hard and strive towards mastery always, I allowed mediocrity to sneak in and convince me that doing one thing was good enough. Being good enough is not what it is all about, being your best and pushing to be better is what it is really about. I'm sorry that I forgot that.
So here is the plan....I will enter into as many divisions as I can next year. This includes sparring (point and continuous), hand and weapons forms, creative musical form and team forms ( if I can find a willing partner!). I will begin to work towards this goal right now; I will attend as many San Sou classes as my work schedule will allow, I will look for music and a form to put together (starting right now as this is not a strong suite of mine) and I will work to ensure that all of my forms are demo ready all the time ( that means not letting any of them get dusty - I will set up a rotation so that nothing gets lost or forgotten). I did not like the realization that I had settled for "good enough" yesterday, I will not allow it to happen to me again.
Yesterday was an amazing and inspiring day!

To rest or not to rest?????

I don't really know what to write about this week. I am not feeling very well so I am trying to rest but still do some stuff, it feels a bit like a roller coaster. If I rest, I'm okay, if I do too many things (like spend all day at kung fu and then work for 8 hours) then I set back to needing a rest day. I don't seem to have a medium speed, it is all or nothing! Today is definitely a rest day

Disconnect

I can't believe this happened to me! I have been struggling with my blog for the last six months, ever since I noticed how long I have been blogging (weird, right?). I have missed a few blog days during that time and I did not like that feeling, so I have pushed myself to write something each week. I just realized that I didn't blog last week! All week I have felt really disconnected from the Kwoon and I didn't know why ( I blamed my work schedule ) and now I know it was the blogging. I am shocked that I was so wrapped up in trying to make things work, organizing myself and my classes that I couldn't attend that I forgot the one thing that keeps my feet on the ground and my head out of the clouds.
I hope that this is the wake up call that I needed. Blogging is what keeps me connected with my Kung Fu and with the Kwoon when I can't be there. I know this! I have to keep that in the fore front if I want to continue on this path that I am on. It is funny (not ha ha) that when things are going on that threaten to rock my foundation, I forget to do what I need to do to manage life. I read Sifu B Beckett's blog this morning about the path to mastery and the main ingredient is that masters don't quit. I will not quit!

As I read over my blog, I noticed that it is not very flowy but it does say all the things that I want it to, so there it is, hopefully others can make sense of it. :)

Blessings and Gratitude: My family - their love and support is constant, My pets - constant companionship, My students - I learn from them on and off the matts, My friends - near and far - I feel the love and acceptance, My teachers - you know when to teach me and when to let me figure it out. I am truly blessed and thankful to have all of you in my life.

Planning

It's Sunday morning and I'm having my tea and planning my day. I used to wonder how I would ever fit Kung Fu into my busy life and now I try to fit life into my Kung Fu. I will train everyday and then do whatever I can fit into the rest of the day. Sometimes, when I am feeling overwhelmed by life's challenges, if I focus on my training, even for a short time, it seems more manageable. It doesn't take the worry away, or make the situation go away, but it makes me feel like I can handle it.
A few years ago, I was sitting in this same spot, looking at all the things that I wanted/needed to do in order to grade for my black belt, it seemed quite huge! I began to wonder how I would fit it all in, where would I find the time, it didn't seem possible......then I got up and started doing reps of my form and I started to feel better. So from then on, whenever I feel like it is too much, I just get up and get going! I occasionally forget that lesson, like last week, but it was only a couple of days ( not weeks) and then I was back on track. I think as long as I keep getting back on track, I will get where I want/need to go.

Acceptance

I have been struggling with a few things lately and I think that I am beginning to figure them out, or at least how to talk about what has been bugging me.
It's about acceptance! You have to accept the things that you can not change. I'm not trying to sound like an addictions counsellor, I really do mean it. We have to accept that everyone is different and will do things in their own way. The job will get done, perhaps not in the way that you would have done it, but done nevertheless. It seems to me that people get hung up on the how you did it sometimes and forget to accept that it got done. They focus on a misplaced word and miss the whole message, they notice the mismatched socks and miss the act of kindness. Why are we quick to point out the differences in each other and so slow to accept them and notice the positive things?
I think that we can change this one act at a time, every time someone complains to you about someone or something, point out the positive of the situation. They may, in the beginning, stop complaining to you but eventually they will begin to think of positive things to tell you and maybe even focus on. I really believe that this is a method for stopping negativity from spreading.

Hey Dragon! I'm back!!!

Being in the moment isn't as easy as it looks! Sometimes, you have to work really hard to accept what is happening and roll with it.
Today, was the first time that I was in a dragon dance performance since last October, nearly a year! I was very excited and I thought well prepared for any obstacles. I practiced hard, got all my stuff ready and set my alarm, what could possibly go wrong? Hah!
I went back to work on Monday after a one month break and that was okay ( a little tiring!) but the puppy that we got over the summer wasn't so thrilled. He decided over the course of the week that he didn't really like to go outside to do his business! That's okay, we can adjust, do some more training, no big deal, until you have to be somewhere on time ( maybe even early would be nice!). So I needed to clean up a few messes before the performance today ( and wash the floor!), no big deal, so I won't be early, on time is good. Hah! I say again!
I have been participating in the Rotary Run for nearly as long as I have been at Kung Fu, ever since Sifu Laurie convinced me that I could train and complete a 1/2 marathon! This year I chose not to run so that I could make sure that I was on time for the dragon dance, there is irony here, right? I am driving along, about to make it just on time and they have closed the road that I take, causing me to go down the highway and come in a different way! Still not a big deal, the dance is probably going to start at 9:30 and it is only two minutes after 9:00!
As I was walking in, I was wondering where my team is, I'm looking around to find them and notice there is someone talking on the stage! As I get closer, I realize she is talking about SRKF, where is my team! I spot them standing behind the curtain and go over in just enough time to drop my bag and grab my pole and begin the performance!!!
What a performance it was! I noticed each movement the dragon was making, checking out the lion, greeting him, playing with him, maybe thinking about having some lettuce. It was very,very cool! Like nothing I have ever experienced, it was totally worth the determination it took to get there ( on time!)

Purpose

Over the years I have heard and shared many opinions about Kwoon maintenance and this is the year that it all makes sense. I have participated for many selfish reasons, mostly because I like helping and it makes me feel good. I like being the morning girl, especially when I don't have to work.
This year the light went on! It's about wanting to give back to our Kwoon; make it better, last longer, more user friendly, clean it up. This year I was able to look around with fresh perspective and really see what needed to be done. I realized that it doesn't matter what you do as long as you want to do it, that is the key. Take ownership of our place and do stuff because you want to not because you feel like you have to, it is not the ticket to your next promotion! Understanding the purpose of the project is the ticket, embracing the opportunity is the answer.
I love being at the Kwoon, it is my home away from home and I like doing things like I do at home. It    
helps make it mine, I feel proud of our place and the work that we put into it.
I feel kind of like I am babbling a bit but I'm excited to have finally figured this out and I want to get my words down before they slip away.
My final thoughts are, try to think about the purpose of the project and what you can learn from it!

Forms Seminar

Yesterday I attended my first forms seminar.....
I often wonder what makes a good teacher, how can I improve? How do I get to be like the ones I admire? They make it look effortless. They know the right words to say, the right thing to work on, they make it look like magic. They get get the wool-gatherers to pay attention, the defeatists to try one more time and the willing to push themselves harder than ever before! And they get me to keep on trying to be just like them! How do they do it?
I think that they wear their passion on their sleeves, for the world to see, that is how they do it! They love what they do and they would love for you to love it too. There is a purity to their motives, there is no self motivation, they just want you to be the best that you can be, no hidden agenda. That is what makes them shine, the purity.
How do I teach? I try to help students through parts that I found tough, I try to listen to what they think is their road block, and I try methods that have worked for me before, remembering advice from my mentors and watching them constantly for more tips and tricks. Of course, watching to see how the lesson is being received and being ready to change course if it not working! I guess that is a lot to think about while teaching a lesson but that is what is happening for me, I wonder what other teachers go through in their heads?
Some days I can't believe that I get to be an instructor, every day this motivates me to try harder, practice longer, and ask tons of questions so that I can be just like my mentors.

What a difference kung fu makes!

We all talk about how much kung fu has changed our lives and ourselves but I am not sure that I have truly appreciated it until this week.
I have been working on painting the trim of my house. Sounds easy enough! When you throw in fear of heights and lack of skill, it gets kinda tricky. At first, there was a lot of breath holding, heart pounding kind of stuff going on. And then it got a little easier, more work accomplished, less feeling like having a heart attack! I got four windows done and I was feeling pretty good about pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I moved to the front of the house and discovered that the caulking needed to be redone. Now, I needed to be on the ladder (way above the ground) and focus and concentrate, not only to get all the old stuff off but to put the new stuff on without making a really big mess. This took a bit more time, I had to work over my head (with a bit of muscle and precision) and battle the fear stuff too, it was exhausting. Yesterday I had a moment of clarity! The last time that this needed to be done, I got up on the ladder to begin the prep work, gave in to my fear and completed only the portions that I could reach (leaving the rest to my partner) and did not even attempt to face my fear. This time, giving up was not an option, I was determined that I would complete this chore and I am nearly done. It has taken much longer than the average person would take, as I have placed many obstacles in my own way (doing other chores and errands, hanging out with Katie, instead of working on the ladder) but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have one more window to do and I am confident that it will not take me as long as the other. I am able to take the fear, set it aside and get the job done. It feels pretty cool.
I think all of this has everything to do with kung fu, because kung fu has been all about pushing myself out of my comfort  zone. I have tried things that I didn't think I could ever do and succeeded, most recently a leg stack which I always thought was for other people to do not me. It turns out I really like it and it is getting easier every time that we do it. Now they are talking head stacks and shoulder rolls (from way up there!!!!), I am not dismissing the idea but I can't imagine doing it just yet. I will definitely try it when that class rolls around.

Block and Counter

Ever since I noticed that I have been blogging for five years consistently and consciously, I have been struggling to blog every week. Each topic I come up with seems lame and irrelevant, I have been trying to come up with things to write about instead of letting it flow. I say to myself each week, it's Sunday time to blog and then I spend the rest of the day coming with things to do instead. I am getting lot's of mundane chores done!
I am not sure what the block is all about, but it is starting to bug me! This past week, I had a good topic but it took me days to put the words together! I wanna say ARGH! This is frustrating!!! I acknowledge that with each struggle comes some growth, so I'm ready to grow 'cause I'm done with struggle.
The solution that I have come up with is to blog more (probably won't publish them all) and see if I can break through this crazy block :)

What the frack?

Have you guys heard of this fracking business? I have been doing a bit of research on it and simply said, it's not so good for us!
Here is the reader's digest version:
They (oil companies) take water and chemicals and force it into the earth to push out the natural gas. It gives them a better quality oil that can be used more than the regular old drilling way.
The problem:
It is supposed to be safe, it's not!
These chemicals are leaking into our earth and contaminating the soil and the water. This will get in the way of us living. In some cases, the water is so contaminated that you can light it on fire, I think that is scarey! We won't be able to grow food, raise animals, feed our children....basically we won't be able to live.
I don't understand how come we are not all protesting as loudly as we can and I don't understand how come we (the people) are not using the resources that we have (wind and sun).
I realize that I am somewhat simplifying the issue but that is how I roll. It doesn't need to be complex and full of chemical process and complicated graphs and equations. The bottom line is....this is not okay and it will definitely change how we live our lives.
Bottled water will become a necessity not a choice, process food will be the only viable option, fresh grown food will no longer be the affordable way to go. I could go on and on but I won't.
It seems to me that the guys with the most cash and the ones that get to make all the decisions that will affect our quality of life. This is not a forecast for what may happen, it is happening now! Some folks have been without drinking water in their homes for a few years already, it is time that we all speak up and tell them (oil companies), THIS IS NOT OKAY!

Walking Meditation

So.... the other day, I had to run an errand (only one for a change!) and I had enough time so I decided to walk. The errand did not take much time at all and on my way home, I decided to walk through the forest instead of by the road. What an amazing experience! I can't remember the last time I went walking alone and I only saw two other people the whole time (about 20 minutes). I listened to the birds and the insects, checked out all the flowers and trees and watched the butterflies flutter about. By the time I got home, I was at peace and energized. I had an amazing day thereafter. Nothing that happened seemed too serious, or too over-whelming, all seemed manageable. Seems like I have found the answer to my mediation troubles, I will definitely make this part of my routine. Thank you Boot Camp once again for impacting my life in such a positive way. :)

Suave

My answer to a broken heart; fill it with more love!
Here is Red! He is six weeks old and has been at our house for four days. He has totally wormed his way directly into all of our hearts. Katie was snuggling him on the couch and this is the result. The same thing happened to me the next day ( good thing there were no cameras available) and I woke up feeling completely calm and at peace. He is magic our souls :)
Buddy, let me know if you need some puppy love, he has lots!

Grateful

I am grateful for the family and friends that I have, they accept me for who I have become and love me just the same. They support my endeavors and always cheer me on. Thank you all for believing in me always =)

Tough Week

Well, I was hoping to report that I handled my week with dignity and grace but I am not so sure that happened. I attended some training that I don't enjoy, facilitated by a person that is very difficult to be around and I am not too terribly proud of how I reacted to the situation. I know that no matter what I do, it will not change the opinion of the person running the training, so I guess my focus should be in acting in a manner in which I can respect myself. I'll need to keep working on that!
Katie finished Grade 9 this week and will begin her High School journey on Monday, when she begins summer school. I hope that we are ready for this! I want to protect her from all the negative aspects of being around teenagers all day long, but I know that she needs to experience life if she is going to grow. I hope that I can help her deal with her obstacles with dignity and respect.
I lost my dear Kiddog on Friday, he had a heart attack and died. I will miss him a great deal, he has a been a strong silent presence in my life for nearly ten years. I imagine that he is running through grassy fields with his brother, no longer inhibited by arthritis or old age :)

Patients

I'm using all my patients and skills to manage my way through this week gracefully!

I'm honoured!

Yesterday two of the students from one of my classes graded for their next belt. When I saw how well they performed, I was ridiculously giddy.
I work very hard with my students, trying to think of different ways to present the material so they learn it and want to practice to get better. It is completely awesome and cool when you see the results of someone who has caught the 'Oh Wow! Do I love this!' bug. It doesn't always happen when there is a promotion, sometimes I watch them in class and can see that they have been trying hard to get better. It is quite an awesome feeling! It is so exciting when you see that they have made the choice to improve themselves, it's like a little glimpse into their personal journey, what an honor! I hope that I have the privilege of teaching for a long, long time.

Me Again!

I'm in a pretty good place right now.....I'm healing, I'm resting and I'm beginning to feel like me again. These are all really good things. I'm not sure how Kung Fu fits in just yet because I'm still at the stage if I do too much I'm exhausted and I struggle when attempting to do small amounts. I am staying engaged with my Kung Fu by reading blogs, practicing meditation and Tai Chi and striving towards mastery in everything that I do.
It's a good place to be :)

Focus

I have been trying to apply all that I know about treating others with dignity and respect in my work place. It is more challenging than when you deal with your neighbours, strangers in the community and people you gather with to share a common interest. It seems like the people that I work with are more comfortable being negative, criticizing others and focusing on what everyone is doing wrong. This doesn't fit with what we do for a living, help others! I find it really easy to fall into this behaviour pattern when I am there. As soon as the words are out of mouth I regret them, I need to create a filter to kick in before I talk.
I have been pondering the problem and I think that I was approaching it from the wrong angle. I was complaining to myself about the negativity and not thinking about what I was doing to contribute to it  or thinking about how to change the atmosphere. I don't like when others make negative assumptions about my intentions but don't say anything and don't say anything when it is done to others which is contributing to the problem and not changing anything.
So my new focus is on what I am contributing, am I having a positive impact on my environment? Do I leave dignity in my wake? Do people I talk to feel respected?
I have been working on this for a while now and have seen some positive results, I will continue to be mindful of my words and thoughts at work :)

Stuck

I'm having a hard time putting pen to paper (so to speak), I have many things going on and yet nothing wants to come out.
I'll keep trying:)

Blogging has value

I think that I want to write about my journey, but I am not exactly sure what that is going to look like. Kung Fu has changed my life so much, that I don't know where to begin to talk about it. I guess I can start at the beginning. In 2003, I attended my first Chinese New Year and Black Belt Ceremony and I was blown away by the stories that I heard. I was so moved by the one journey that I heard that I leaned over and whispered to my husband, one day, I would like to do something like that. At first, it didn't seem possible and there seemed to be many obstacles in my way and it seemed like one of those dreams that you take out every once in while and sigh about. One day, I learned that there was a way around some of the obstacles and there were people willing to help me over the others. When I look back over the past five years, some of the obstacles that seemed so challenging at the time, now appear to have been easy. I just needed to push myself. For example, getting up at 7:00 am for the morning class after working until 11:00 pm the night before. At times it seemed impossible, now it is just part of what I do because I love Kung Fu.
I am sure that I have many more obstacles to face but I am confident that I can find a way around them and that I have the supports in place to help me.

This was my very first blog ever! Mar.01,2008!!! I can't believe that it has been more than five years, that is a lot of blogs. I didn't really see the value when I first started but I trusted my instructors so I tried it. It turns out that I don't mind blogging at all, I kinda like it. Every Sunday, no matter how tired  I am, I sit down and write about what is most prevalent in my mind. It is not always Kung Fu, but is definitely Kung fu related. On this path towards mastery, everything has value, it is the only way!

Rambling

Yesterday was a great Kung Fu day! It was great to start the day off practicing forms with some of my favorite people. When you practice alone a lot, it is very refreshing to bounce ideas off others and to also see what they have been up to. I also really like the feeling at the Kwoon during Pandamonium, everyone works together to get stuff done, there is always lot's of laughs and I always walk away feeling like I was part of something great that day! Yesterday was like that!!!
I have been working on making my lungs work better, this has included modifying some of my activities and adding some that I should have been doing all along. I need to allow my body to rest and heal but I also still need to do stuff. So I have been trying to rest more, not pack as many things into each day, and I am trying to do my Tai Chi form everyday as this is really good for my lungs. I remember a few years ago, one of my goals was to do Tai Chi everyday and I really enjoyed it, was able to reach a relaxed state easier, and then I stopped 'cause of stupid reasons probably and I really missed it. So hopefully it won't take too long to make it a habit again.
I have been working especially hard at my diet, not the OMG I have to lose weight kind, the I sure would like to feel better kind. So I have been paying attention to how my body reacts to different foods and food groups and trying not to eat anything to disrupt the delicate balance that I have created. I have been living the dream and feeling pretty good in my stomach for the last few months.
This post feels a little rambley but that is how I feel today, so that is how it is.

What you can't see is really there!

You can't see mental illness, you can't tell if someone has it and you can't pretend that it doesn't exist.
What is IT? Well, mental illness can take many forms, some of them prevent people from holding a job, going to school or even leaving the house. Some of them are not as obvious; depression, attention deficit and obsessive compulsive disorder, to name a few. Many of these things can be medicated and allow people to lead the type of life that they want to, but there are things that people don't see or know.

Finding the right medication for you takes time and a lot of patience. When dealing with depression for example, there are many anti-depressants out there and very few will work for you. The only way to figure it out is to try them and see if they work. In the meantime, you may feel worse, you may feel like you are losing your mind, gaining or losing weight, not sleeping or sleeping all the time. You also may have to try one for up to six weeks to ascertain if it works for you and if it doesn't, you can't just quit taking it, you have to ween yourself off of it. As you grow, you may need to repeat this process more than once.

Finding the right therapist can also take some time and patience. Not all therapist are created equal and not all people get along with each other. It takes time to check out different therapists to see if they are a match for you.

Finding the right people to let into your world can also be a challenge. No matter how open minded folks seem to be, you never really know how they are going to react until you tell them. That can be risky as there are all kinds of stigmas attached to mental illness, your friends may begin to treat you differently or decide not be around you anymore. Although it is for the best if they chose not to be your friend, it can be kind of lonely.

People who battle with a mental illness are in for a life long battle and need and deserve our empathy and respect.

Silent!

On April 18th, I was silent for 24 hours! I figured how hard can it be? I chose to talk often, so I will just chose not to talk!
I was totally wrong, it was one of the hardest challenges that I have ever done. Even when I was alone, I had to pay attention so that I wouldn't talk out loud ( I didn't realize that I did that very much). It was very similar to all of the other challenges that we have done at our school, I had to stay mindful all day long, because if I relaxed for one second, words came out of my mouth. It wasn't necessarily staying mindful that was difficult, it was that I figued that it would be easy and it wasn't.
Not talking while teaching the Beginner Black Dragons was a blast, the kids were totally on board and some of my non-verbal messages were understood!
I stayed up way passed my bedtime so that I could share my day with my husband. I had this need to tell him about all the struggles (and giggles) that I encountered all day long. It was like being able to breath after holding my breathe for a really long time, it was a great relief. Communicating with others is a fundamental need, I can't imagine what it would be like to live in a world where my voice wasn't heard.
To answer some of the questions that were asked of me that day and I couldn't answer at the time;
-the blue socks matched because there was blue in my t-shirt
-I plan on working on my kung fu in my free time so that I am better prepared the next time we spare
-I don't talk in my sleep
-I am fine and havning a wonderful day
-Pandamonium for the Beginner Black Dragons is at 12:30 pm
-it doesn't really matter what we have for supper as long as we are all together!
-and finally you probably don't want to really know what I think of that which is probably why you are asking while I can't answer.
The main thing that occured for me was that I was able to share with many more people than I at first imagined, the plight of some of the young people in our world. I talked alot about the Free the Children champagne in the weeks prior to the event and with just as many since that day, and we all know that the more people know about what is going on, the more likely it is that they will lend a hand.
You don't have to take a stand in the same way that I did, but please do - Take a Stand! We can't help our children while sitting on the side lines.

Risky business

Taking risks is hard to do. Especially when it comes to relationships. After many years of struggling with self esteem, it rears it's ugly head every once in a while and reminds me that I shouldn't take it for granted.
I have a difficult time letting my friends know that I need them for anything. I am really good at giving support, doing favors, helping out but when it comes to what they can do for me, my usual answer is " I'm okay". I know that friendship (any relationship) needs to have give and take, I really need to work on the take part. So today, I was feeling particularly in need of a friend and I received a text from my dear friend asking how I was. Instead of doing what I always do, I picked up the phone and let my friend know that I needed her. We laughed and cried a little and it was fantastic! I miss her a lot and I am so glad that we are friends.
Taking risks is hard to do, but totally worth it :)

Kung fu is where it is at!

So I had a weird week! Trying to go about my business in a "normal" manner, when all I really wanted to do was sit and cry (well, not all the time, but I definitely thought moping about my lost dog was time better spent).  I had to work afternoons all week so I wasn't distracted by my kids classes, I did have a great time in the morning class on Wed and I spent Friday evening at the kwoon. I had great plans on Friday to get some reps in with my new broad sword, enjoy the black belt class and re-connect after a long week of absence. Well, it totally didn't happen like I thought; I got to sit in on a meeting about Pandamonium (I think that it is going to be great!) and then I got voted onto the Benevolent Foundation Board (super cool!!!) and ended the evening in a meeting talking about what that entails. I was just about to step on the matts when there was one more quick meeting to attend. I figured that I would spend a bit of time after that with my new sword, do some sit ups maybe some hand forms and then I looked at the clock! It was after 9 pm, if I didn't leave soon, my family would be sending a search party. So I didn't get to do the kung fu that I expected but boy oh boy, did I ever have a great kung fu night! Kung fu is every where and in every thing that we do, we just have to open up and see it. Tomorrow morning is going to rock, I may be bragging (oops! talking!!!) about it later in the day on kwoon talk. Stay tuned.....

Mastery

Philosophy To Live By

Mastery By Stewart Emery

MASTERY in our career and consciousness simply requires that we constantly produce results beyond the ordinary. Mastery is the result of consistently going beyond our limits. For most people, it starts with technical excellence in a chosen field and a commitment to that excellence. If you are willing to commit yourself to excellence, to surround yourself with things that represent excellence, and to pursue events and experiences that become miracles, your life will change. (When we speak of miracles, we speak of events or experiences in the real world that are beyond the ordinary).

It’s remarkable how much mediocrity we live with, surrounding ourselves with daily reminders that the average is acceptable. Our world suffers from terminal normality. Take a moment to assess all of the things around you that encourage you to remain “average.” These things keep you powerless, unable to go beyond a “limit” you have arbitrarily set for yourself. Take your first step towards mastery by removing everything in your environment that represents mediocrity, removing your arbitrary limits. Try surrounding yourself with friends who ask more of you than you do. Didn’t some of your best teachers, your coaches, your parents expect more from you?

On the path to mastery, erase any resentment you have towards masters. Develop compassion for yourself so that you can be in the presence of masters and grow from the experience. Rather than comparing yourself and resenting people who have mastery, remain open and receptive; let the experience be like the planting of a seed within you—with nourishment, it will grow into your own individual mastery.

Correction is essential to power and mastery. You see, we are all ordinary. But a master, rather than condemning himself for his “ordinariness,” will embrace his ordinariness and use it as a foundation for building the extraordinary. Instead of giving up, as many ordinary people do, he will use his ordinariness to correct his errors, which is essential in the process of attaining mastery. You must be able to correct yourself without invalidating or condemning yourself, to accept results and improve upon them.

Correct, don’t protect. 

John L Sullivan 2003 -2013

Sully is in his favorite place, in the middle of the kitchen floor while we are making supper!

Barking at his dad! Trying to prove once again, who is in charge!!!!

He was always trying to lick my face, he seemed to get a charge out of my protests!!

Nothing like a nice big dog to cuddle when you don't feel good :)

We are Silent

So here's the thing, Katie and I are taking a vow of silence on April 18th, for the children that don't have a voice!

6 Harmonies

We have been learning about the six harmonies for a while now and it seems easy to talk about them, know when they are not working together, feel when we are not in sync and then......

You twist your knee cause you are so busy trying to fix one thing, that you forget that they all have to work together. The moment isn't long but it happens and it hurts!

I have been taking Tai Chi for some years ( I honestly don't remember, I can't really remember not taking it) and I love it. I go to every class that I can and I learn something each time. I love how this form evolves into your very own way of moving and it feels sooooo peaceful.

So yesterday I go to do a move and it didn't feel quite right, so I concentrate, slow down and try to figure out what it going on. I am concentrating so hard on my shoulders and hips and waist that I didn't realize that I was torquing my knee at the same time. It hurts like crazy!!! Without the whole story, you may be inclined to think ' You hurt your knee doing Tai Chi, Really???' But it is true and it can happen. It is very easy to get hurt doing Tai Chi because it depends on you using the six harmonies, finding your balancing spot and moving gracefully through the form. It also takes a lot more work and muscle power than one might realize. If you are in the proper body position, you need to use all of your muscle to do the moves properly, it is a very good workout!

So therein ends the story of my Saturday at Kung Fu, I limped home to an ice pack and some muscle work by my husband (Thank You)!

I had a really good Kung Fu week, I love when my schedule allows me to go to both Tues and Thurs classes, I love having time during the day to work on my forms and kicks, and I love hanging out with my Kung Fu friends. Thank you all for a wonderful week, I am looking forward to repeating the experience next week.

Balance

I haven't been to class since Tuesday due to my work schedule. I miss you guys! I have had lots of time to work on my kung fu by myself and with a few training partners, but I really miss being at the kwoon with other students. Tomorrow is my day 6, which means that I will have some balance this week and be able to attend most of my classes. One of the lessons that I have learned is that balance can take many forms, one of the ways that I create balance is by being at the kwoon as much as I can and accepting when I can't be there. Totally works for me.

Bullies....big and small

Bullying can take on many forms, but the one that I am confronted with the most is when someone in a position of power states that they won't give you what you want/need unless you do what they say. Even if this is delivered in a joking manner, it's not funny! It leaves you wondering, do they really mean it? Should I have to kiss up to get the next promotion? Should I do things that go against what I believe in, in order to "succeed"?
I realize that there is a certain amount of diplomacy required when dealing with bosses and stuff, but how far does one have to go outside their comfort zone to move forward? What do you need to do to get your ideas listened to?
I think the answer to all my questions is to be true to yourself and don't forget that the other person is the one with the agenda. They may want to look good in front of others (perhaps their boss) and they have things that they want to accomplish that have nothing to do with you. I think that doing the best job that you know how to do is the answer and don't do anything that you are not comfortable doing. And of course, don't use the same tactics on the people that you are in charge of.
I think that it is also important to help others stand up to bullying. As I was telling a story to my mentor about someone who was trying to intimidate me to get what they wanted, she pointed out that, incredibly, the witness to the whole thing did nothing as well. Bullies are fueled by acceptance, spoken or unspoken, they believe they are right and if no one stands up to tell them otherwise, it just confirms their stance. My message today is let's tell bullies that there are better more affective ways of getting their needs met.

Kung Fu....it is just fabulous!

So, some pretty cool things happened this week! The classes that I help with were lots of fun, sweet moments were sweeter, hard workers worked harder, funny lines were funnier and the gratitude I feel for the opportunities that I have is greater.
I had an opportunity to partner with someone who I have not worked with in quite a while. It was like wearing a favorite shirt, it fit just right, we pushed and challenged, helped and encouraged, just like old times! I almost forgot how cool that can be.
I had an opportunity to spar with someone who I have not sparred with very much and it was awesome. After a few minutes of dancing about, we really had a good time together, both getting some good shots in, clashing a few times (sorry about the knee!) and creating an opportunity to try combinations and taking risks. It was an experience that I hope to repeat.
I had an opportunity to begin to learn the broad sword form. Thank you Sifu for your patients, I appreciate the time you are taking to help me. It feels very cool in my hand and I look forward to getting more comfortable with the movements.
I had an opportunity to refresh my memory on a hand form that I have been working on and it felt good to be moving forward with that again.
I have kept my word to myself each day this week and plan to continue to do this each and every day.

 

What is on my mind

I'm a little scared!
The most success that I have experienced over the last few years has been while on the UBBT or I Ho Chuan teams. I have learned tons of stuff about myself and created a great way to conduct my life. I think that I am ready to go forward on my journey without being on the team, I hope that I am right. I know that I have also created an amazing support group along the way that I can lean on if I need them to help me stay on the right path. So here I go.....
100 kicks each day
100 sit ups each day
1000 acts of kindness
1 community program to help people
Learn to ride a motorcycle
Take tennis lessons
Continue to work on my stick form (and do something really cool with one of my fellow black belts)
Learn spear , the boken , tai chi sword, broad sword, and cane forms (there might be more
Continue to work on my chucks (I have some cool ideas that I have been trying out)
Continue to work on all the forms that I already know so that they don't ever feel or get rusty
Walk,run, swim or bike 1000 miles
Continue to teach in the kids classes
Continue to find healthy ways to look after myself
 Continue to blog, of course
There are probably a few things that I need to add still but this is a good place to start.

Helloooo Snake!

Yesterday we had a meeting with the Snake team and the Dragon team. I really enjoyed reflecting on our year together, trying to think of things that will help the next team and seeing everyone together. I think the best advice was that there are many different types of leaders, finding out what type of leader you are is part of the process.
We also talked about some of the details for the banquet; assigning tasks, choosing times and I'm starting to get excited. Every year I worry that we forgot something and it is going to affect the evening and every year, I walk away thinking that was the best night of the year.  I love talking, visiting, laughing with my training mates and their friends and family. I love seeing the demonstrations; young and old, and listening to the candidates talk about their journeys. What I love the best about the whole night is the coming together of all of our skills and talents to make this banquet an awesome night for everyone. It takes everyone working together to make this evening what it is, and I think that is also what makes it so special. It truly marks the beginning of a new year, an opportunity to start again, try one more time to get better, be better and stay better.
This year I am going forth without the team to reach for my goals, strive to be more than I am and continue on my path to mastery.  I have learned so much from being on the different teams, way too many things to list here and I look forward to putting them into practice.
My goals this year are to continue to push myself out of my comfort zones with my weapons, I have been experimenting with my chucks and I am excited to see where that goes, I have plans to take my stick form to the next level and I have many forms to learn and master. I plan to walk, run and swim my way throughout the year (1000 miles), I plan to pursue acts of kindness in every part of my life (looking for new ways to bring kindness to my community) and I plan to do sit ups everyday and figure out what I have done to my shoulders that is getting in the way of my push ups. I will continue to work on my techniques and all the initiatives that we take on as a school. I plan to hang out so much with the Snake team that they will think that I am on the team. I plan to have the best year yet, putting one foot in front of another each and every day.

Responsibility

I have had a very interesting week. I have been reminded again and again of the responsibilities that come with wearing a black belt. It is not just at the kwoon, where it is obvious who the black belts are, but it is at home, at work and in the community. I remember the moment that I decided to act as if someone was watching me all the time. That was the beginning of my journey to believing in me, I realized in that moment that it was me that I needed to impress and be proud of everyday.
Each day, when I get up, I remind myself that I am a black belt and need to act accordingly. It begins with getting up to honor my daily requirements, it continues as I interact in my community (being helpful, friendly and courteous), at work I need to be a role model for those that I teach, a mentor to those that are still not confident in their skill and the bigger person when dealing with a conflict. Some moments I think may be too hard and too risky, but if I persevere, I know that I will be proud of taking the high road and not the easy one.
So this week at work, I was reminded that my strength and confidence can be intimidating and I need to make allowances for that. I was so busy working on myself that I forgot to look around and see the impact that I was having on others, good and bad. So I need to dig deep and be more understanding and patient with my peers and superiors. It shall be interesting....
I ran into someone who used to train this week and they said, I can not do what you do! I said, I get up everyday and I put one foot in front of the other, everyone can do that if they chose to. When asked what if you do not feel like it? I then remind myself that I am a black belt, that always gets me out of bed.
Then on Friday, as we reviewed what it is to be a black belt, I was faced again with the great responsibility that is mine to uphold. We are bigger, stronger and smarter than the average guy and when we can't be; we know enough to ask for help from our peers.

Sleeping on it!

I need to read my blog after a good nights sleep
Sifu Kichko

Super long blog about my week!

This has been an action packed week for me! I feel like I have lot's to write about, let's see if I can make all my thoughts make some sense.
The Tiger Challenge. What a great day! Some of the highlights for me were not what one would expect when discussing a tournament. I enjoyed sitting on the floor talking to my students about stuff and things, shared some giggles when we imagined what it would look like if the grown ups got to noodle fight. I spent some time with some of the parents, talking about their kids, the school, our classes and what our goals are. I loved having a front row seat during most of the black dragon events, it's the best seat in the house and I think I learned tons about being a judge! I loved the weapons competition, not because I received a medal, but because I experienced the zone! It was just me and my chucks in that ring and it was an amazing feeling. At the beginning of the performance I remember thinking, just do it your own way and then I was off and running!!!! I loved the feel of the kwoon that day, when I walked in in the morning, there was already something special hanging in the air, a buzz you can't quite put your finger on, perhaps it was our combined excitement or just knowing it was going to be a great day.
The last three days. Wow! Most of my spare hours have been at the kwoon in the last three days. On Thursday night at the beginner black dragon class, I felt a new connection with the students, we had shared a new experience and because of that they seemed to want to pay more attention and work harder. We worked on our techniques and everyone did a fabulous job of focusing and trying to get better. I got a little buzz off that class. At the demo practice, hard work and laughter mixed together to create a nice ending to a great kung fu day. I love hanging out with the team!
Friday night was fantastic! I like when we show our demo to the coaches because there is that little bit of nerves that makes everything stand out. I can always feel every move, thought and feeling, just a little bit more and I like it. I like this place that I am at in my training where I can recognize a mistake and then fix it right away, it feels like I am the boss of my training. In the black belt class we sparred and I had an opportunity to spar with one of my friends that I haven't sparred with in a while. It was awesome, it was like we just practiced together yesterday! We laughed, teased and pushed each other to try different things and it was great. Of course, the sounds effects were entertaining too, no one makes cool noises like you my friend!
Saturday dawned bright and early for me, like it always does. My family knew that I was having what they call ' a kung fu day'. This means that I get up before them and leave the house with my lunch packed prepared to push myself beyond my limits for as many hours as I can. It was  great day! I started the kids class by doing the warm up and just kept going through the entire class, it just seemed to flow together, I had their attention, we shared some laughs and the time flew by. What a great way to start the day. A highlight of my Saturdays has been sharing some chatter and laughs with my fellow instructors after class, I think that it helps us bond and work better together and I like to visit. Tai Chi was next and always helps me keep my feet planted on the ground, I love that class. I decided to try a fitness class today and see how far I could go, I hadn't been in one since before I got sick in October! It was great! We did stations at two minute intervals so I was able to set my own pace and not hold anyone up. I lasted through most of the class until I started to feel like I wasn't getting enough air and might pass out. I am very pleased with my progress and was very tired at the end of class. At this point I was planning on eating my lunch and then working on my forms. I have some new ideas about how to approach my forms and I am excited to try out my plan. What really happened was that I got to be in the Dragon dance practice. Thank you dragon dancers for being too ill to make the practice, standing in for you was a great pleasure. I'll admit I was a little scared a few times when just following the guy in front of me wasn't the answer, but once I got the new dance down, I loved every second of it. I forgot how exhilarating it is to run with the dragon and quickly learned that there are spots where you can do some deep breathing and try to get your breath back. Does anyone remember that song, Puff the Magic Dragon? I always think of our dragon as that rascal puff, only in my head and I don't think that I have ever said it out loud until yesterday when I was telling my family about my training day and it slipped out. Now I know that that is not his real name but that is how I think of him. I think that we have a special connection, I was on the team when we first brought him out of storage, and I got my black belt at the Year of the Dragon celebration. I have had an amazing year and reached heights that I had not thought possible, most of that is me, some of that is the dragon!
I find myself looking towards next year a lot in the last few weeks, I am very excited about some of the things that I will be involved in. I have big chuck plans, some different moves that I have been working on that will find their way into my form and maybe even some wooden chucks if I can figure out how to make that happen. I am planning some super cool things with my stick, that I can't really talk about just yet.  I have some new forms to learn, I have some old forms to master and I have only one year to make it all happen in. I remember a long time ago (before the UBBT and I Ho Chuan), I used to think that a year was a very long time to wait for something to happen but now I always think, I only have one year to do this, I better get going. I think the difference is that I no longer wait for anything to happen, I make it happen.
Once again, thank you I Ho Chuan for giving me the tools to be who I am.

One more thing! I was born in the Year of the Snake! I think that means that this is going to be an amazing year for me, I will make it so!

Year of the Dragon

I think the assignment before me is to reflect on my I Ho Chuan Year of the Dragon and talk about what I learned, what I would do differently, and what I will keep.
I decided to review my journals for the whole year and see what jumped out at me. I read a consistent message; I am truly and totally excited about my kung fu and the direction that it is going in. I am learning to relax and enjoy myself and learning and growing at the same time.
I have learned lots of things this year; I can be patient! When I relax and be myself, it's okay! You don't have to do everything to be a leader! I like training with a variety of people and still value the time I have to train alone! Sometimes, it takes me a little while to figure things out, that's not a bad thing! Everyone is on their own journey and learns and grows in their own way! You can influence how others conduct themselves without ever speaking to them about it! I have amazing friends! My family continues to support whichever direction that my martial arts takes me!
What would I do differently; well....I set a couple of goals that are things that I really want to do but something is holding me back. I figured if I put them out there, that would be the push I needed to take the next step, it didn't work! I created many, many roadblocks! I think that I still need to figure out what is holding me back; fear of failure or fear of success!
What will I keep.... I joined the team this year because I was afraid that I would lose my momentum after getting my black belt and I didn't want that to happen. I wanted to make sure that some of the lifestyle changes and habits that I created would become part of who I am. I have succeeded in this area and setting goals and working towards them is how I think of most things in my life now. I think that I am ready to continue on with this lifestyle without being on the team. I will still be doing all the things that the team does, I just won't be taking up a spot that could be used for someone else that hasn't experienced the awesomeness of being on the team! 
Bye for now Dragon, it's been a great year! 

Ahhh! Training

I have been focusing on my forms for the Tiger Challenge and the Chinese New Year's Banquet, I love it. When there is purpose to your training, it takes it to a level that is priceless! I have been videoing myself, trying to watch myself, see how it feels, see what it looks like, I feel amazing. I have been taking it easy and waiting for my bronchial tubes to heal for the last two months, well, no more! I'm back to training like I mean it and it feels great! Why don't you give it a try? Don't count or time yourself, just stay in the moment for as long as you can, focusing on you, not what you think others will see, think or feel. It is an amazing feeling. See you all at the tournament!!!!