Mom

Being a mom is one of my most privileged roles. I am often star struck by the unconditional love and support that I receive from my daughter. It seems that even if I think that I have royally messed up, she can find a silver lining and a lesson learned. To her, it doesn't matter what I wear, how my hair is cut or what my physical fitness level is at, I am the mom that she loves.

So I have taken the template and applied it to my own mom, and it fits. It doesn't matter about all the stuff that has passed or the decisions made, it matters that she is my mom and I love her.

Sometimes, I see moms treating their children a certain way and I feel sorry for the child and wish that they had a mom that loved them more. Silly me!!! That child doesn't look at their mom the way I do and wish she would change. They look at their mom the same way that I look at mine, with love and acceptance. They don't have anyone to compare their mom to, they just know and love one mom and that is all there is to it.

I think that as adults, sometimes, we are too quick to judge each other and give advice on how to be a better person. I think that we need to look to our children for a template on love and understanding, then we may be on to something.

Patience and progressing wisely

This is an easy concept to explain to someone. It is not the easiest thing to live. Last week, I started to push myself a little bit, just to see what I could do. That was a mistake. I hurt my knee, alienated the muscles in my shoulders and wore myself out.
So now, I am paying attention to how I move and doing it slowly. I am still getting tired but not as so that I have to have a major sleep. I think that I may learn more about how I move if I continue to do so slowly and without tasking my muscles.
I have been working on my goals for UBBT 7 and there are still not quite there but getting closer. On some of them I am not sure how to word them, on others, I have no idea how to measure them. I am getting there and have no doubt that it will come together in the next ten days.
I attended my first Sihing class on Friday and could not help feeling excited throughout the whole class. I truely missed the intensity of that class, it is not the same sitting on the bench. I did learn lots of things that I may have missed if I would have been on the mats. I got to observe how other people recieve new information and I got to watch how the teachers changed their explanation each time to help different learners. It was a very valuable experience.
I continue to use self talk to stay patience with myself and I am trying very hard to progress wisely. That is all I can do for now.
Sihing Robyn Kichko
Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, AB, Canada

It's Christmas time

I Love Christmas!!!!! Everything about Christmas warms my heart. I love spending time with friends and family. I love decorating the tree and wrapping presents to put under it. I love spending time finding the right gift and imagining how they will look when they unwrap it. I love holiday baking; the smell of the kitchen, the decorating, the story telling about Christmas's past, giving away precious gifts of home baked goodies to show appreciation and caring. I love how the tree smells and how that smell greets you when you walk in the door and makes all your troubles seem trivial. I love sending Christmas cards to friends and family and I love receiving them. I love decorating the tree with my family and laughing and talking about all of our shared Christmases. I love cooking Christmas dinner and sharing it with my family. I love preparing my house for guests. I usually feel rushed and nervous before I start my holiday preparations and then once I start then I am excited and confident that all will fall into place as it should.

What I especially love about the Christmas season is that it seems to give everyone permission to express Good Will Toward Man. It seems like everyone is just a little bit nicer and a little bit more forgiving. It always gives me hope that these warm feeling can be carried throughout the year. About five years ago, I found myself hoping and wishing for this feeling throughout the year. I stopped myself and realized that there was nothing that I can not do, so I set about continueing the feeling. I was determined to pay attention to what I was doing and how I was feelling, pay attention to the people around me and show appreciation for others in an authentic manner. It has been an interesting journey, I have had to remind myself several times that I was falling into old habits. I am pleased that this happens less often and most often I feel Good Will Towards Men. When I made a committment to complete three Acts of Kindness each day, it played into a direction that I was already heading in and didn't really have a label for. I believe that it has improved my feelings of goodness towards others and increased my awareness of how we affect each other on a day to day basis. I am looking forward to further growth in this area as it is again one of my goals to complete three Acts of Kindness each day.

Merry Christmas Everyone
Robyn Kichko
Silent River Kung Fu - Stony Plain

Friday

04Dec2009

Here I Am

Friday, December 4, 2009 at 9:48AM

modify remove organize post follow up

This is me. My name is Robyn Kichko and I am one of Sifu Brinker's student members for UBBT 7 - Live Like a Champion. I have been studying Kung Fu at Silent River Kung Fu for nearly 7 years and I am really excited to be a part of the team. I am looking forward to the many challenges and a few obstacles that I will encounter throughout the coming year. I am also looking forward to meeting other martial artists through their blogs on this site. In my blog, I will be chatting about my triumphs and my issues, my awesome family and my ever entertaining pets.

My most recent challenge has been that I can not train, physically. I had bronchitis in October and it damaged my lungs so that I can't breath very well. I am not able to do very much with becoming winded. In the past, I have gotten really frustrated with myself when I can't train because I am sick or injured. This time, all the self talk about being more patient seems to have paid off. I am excited to get back to training but I have managed to keep myself busy with written assignments, and projects that I have always wished that I had more time to do. It is amazing what you can find to do when you can't walk across a room without stopping to breath.

I am looking forward to starting the new year strong and healthy. Until next time.....

Robyn Kichko

Silent River Kung Fu

All they ask......

I have two brothers that serve our country. I am very proud of both of them for the sacrifices that they make. I am always scared when they have to go and do the job that they train very hard to do well. I have a knot in my stomach the whole time that they are away and I have a hard time thinking about anything else. I know that they will do their jobs well but I am still afraid (maybe more for me than them?). When they are at home (in Canada), I often ask, what can we do? What can Canada do to show our appreciation for what you choose to do everyday? The answer is always the same, Support Us. It is that simple, that is all they want in exchange for risking their lives for us.

My oldest brother has been in the Army since he was 18 yrs old, and he is a regular guy. When you ask him what he does for a living, it is like igniting a fire, the passion for what he does is incredible. When he went to Afghanistan, I asked him why he had to go and he replied, because that is what I do. How can you argue with that? He came back in one piece ( Thank You, God) with a little less hearing than when he left but in one piece. An I.E.D exploded right in front of his armored vehicle and he is very lucky that all he lost was a little of his hearing. I am also very lucky that he came home.

My youngest is in the Reserves and was in the Navy when he was younger. He left when he was young to help raise his family (one can imagine that it is difficult to be a dad when at sea), and has always thought something was missing from his life. A few years ago, he figured it out. He would not be complete without serving our country, so he joined the Reserves.

How do we support them? Love the ones you know, and show acceptance to the ones that you don't. They do one of the hardest job in the world and receive the least amount of recognition for what they do.

Sihing Kichko

Remember.......

Take two minutes........
This video has been passed around many times, but it is worth watching again and again.




Sihing Kichko

This is Sadie

This is Sadie. She is the newest addition to my family. She is amazing. She seems to think that it is her job to make sure that everyone in the house is loved equally. She spends time with each of us; cuddling, chewing, chasing, or playing. She seems to think that she is in charge of what we need or want. I am okay with that, so far she is doing a great job. She is four months old and on a mission to discover this world that we live in. Have you ever experienced our world through a puppies eyes? Everything is new and exciting. Grocery days are just like present days. She checks each bag for treasures, sometimes she has to double check a bag and ends up wearing an empty bag around the kitchen. It is just part of the adventure. The broom was invented for her. She enjoys chasing it, trying to ride it and if all else fails, she tries to conquer it by stealing it. The bed is a large soft play ground, invented for her so that she won't get hurt as she learns to tumble. She doesn't know yet that boxers don't tumble very often, she doesn't care, she is going to learn anyways. She believes that leaves were meant to be chased and butterflys were meant to be followed and that she was put on this earth so that all that meet her can smile. She is full of love and is very willing to share with the world. I am blessed that she is part of my world. She makes me laugh and smile every day. That is a priceless gift.

Self-Injury Behavior

Definition:
Self-injury is deliberate, self-effected, low-lethality bodily harm of a socially unacceptable nature, carried out to reduce psychological distress.

Self-injury is a means that some people use to cope with their pain. Some of the more common forms of self-injury are:
cutting
scratching
self-burning
interfering with healing wounds
self hitting
head banging
It is usually younger people that use this form of coping (13-24 yrs.) and they do it for a variety of reasons. It could be:
Environmental
-family issues
-physical and/or sexual abuse
-school/peer issues
Biological
-Alexithymia (difficulty identifying and describing emotional experiences)
-low serotonin (negative mood, low impulse, anxiety)
-an addiction to the endorphins released when pain is experienced
-low cortisol levels(making the person more sensitive to stress)
Cognitive
-how a person interprets events
-making assumptions
-self-defeating,critical attitude
As you can see there are many factors that can contribute to a person's pain. A person who self-injures may have many or only one, it is their ability to cope with the factors that is the issue. A person who self-injures is not usually suicidal, they are looking for a way to release the pain that they are feeling. If you know someone who self-injures, it is important to ask them if they are suicidal, just in case. Here are some warning signs that someone is self-injuring:
-frequent injuries (cuts, bruises, burns) with suspicious explanations
-wearing pants and long sleeves in warm weather (to cover injuries)
-wearing bangles, bracelets, and wristbands (to cover injuries)
-low self esteem
-difficulty handling emotions, easily overwhelmed
-extremely sensitive to rejection
There are many warning signs, this is just the top few. What to do if you suspect someone that you know or care about is using self-injury to cope with life, encourage them to get help. Do not react in a disgusted, negative manner. Be supportive and encourage them to seek professional help.

What a great week this has been. I realize that I haven't been away from Kung Fu for very long ( 1 1/2 weeks ) but it sure felt like a super long time. It was great to be back. When I first arrived on Monday evening, it was hot and sweaty and noisy in the kwoon, I took a deep breathe and my whole body relaxed. It was a great evening of forms and running the gaunlet for the brave ones. Tuesday was another great day. I met with Sifu Brinker (which is always uplifting), helped with the kids class and attended San Shou. We worked our butts off in San Shou doing drills with partners and the focus shields, it felt great to really sweat again. Wednesday dawned bright and early and I was off to the morning class. My muscle were reminding me that 1 1/2 weeks on the couch was not acceptable. We did more bag work, this time focusing on our sound focus while doing kicks. It was interesting when I concentrated on controlling my sound focus how much more of an impact it had on my kicks and on my awareness. I think that my sound focus was just on automatic before, now it feels like something. After class, I was off to the park to review techniques and enjoy the sunshine. Kung Fu is so great outside, I always feel so in touch with the earth when I am out there. After supper, Katie and I headed out to Onoway to teach some choke defenses. One of our assignments from the leadership seminar was to chose a technique, make a teaching plan and execute it ( preferable with students you don't know as well ). So that is what we did last night. We were both a bit nervous but we had fun and the students seem to have a good time too. I am off to help with kids class again tonight and I am sure that it will be a good time.
That was my week in a nut shell. I am feeling better but still need to watch myself a bit as my lungs haven't quite healed yet. I don't think that I take my Kung Fu for granted but when I have a break (big or small), I definitely appreciate how much it enhances my life when I return.

334 days to grading.

I'm sick

What a great way to start a new year of training....I'm sick! I have bronchitis and the biggest draw back is that I can't breathe, therefore my training is limited. Okay, non-existent. Here are the things that I can do. I am reviewing my goals (again) and trying to figure how to set them so that I am challenged but not so far that there is no way I can reach them. I am determined to figure it out so they will be in place soon. I am reading a book called the Heart of Buddhism and I am finding it very interesting. I am not going to comment further because I definitely need more time to contemplate the ideas that I am learning. I am working on my knitting projects while watching movies with my family (also sick). I am finishing re-writing all the techniques and combos on recipe cards so that I can laminate them. The first time (last year), I did them in pencil and after much carrying around and some sweating, the pencil wore off. Ahhh, we live and learn. I am also working on how to publicly display my leadership project. It something that I am have been trying to find the time for and now I have found it. So I guess my training isn't non-existent, it is just non-physical. I'll be back next week with more happenings in the Kichko world. (One of my goals is to blog every week).

341 days to grading

Sihing Kichko

Here's my week

It's great to back to training with everyone. It is so much better training when you can go to class and hang out with like minded people. I helped with the Black Dragons this week and it was a lot of fun. They sure do work hard. It is cool to look around the kwoon and see what you helped with, the painting, the scrubbing, the putting back together. It is a good feeling to be a part of our place.

I also participated in the Rotary Run this week. I had started out (for most of the year) training to run the 1/2 marathon with my partner, and then I hurt myself and had to have a rest and then switch from running to power walking. I learned a great deal in the process, first of all, I love walking. I think that I forgot that, in my push to improve my fitness and get better. So I think that I am going to stick to power walking and keep my injuries down to a dull roar. The second thing that I learned is that I enjoy training for the run much more than actually doing the run, I thoroughly enjoyed walking 10 km on Sunday. I invited my mom to walk with me and we had a great time together. We raised money and awareness for Suicide Prevention and it really had a strong impact on my this year. I was more aware of the lives that are touched by suicide and over-whelmed by the support I received. In the past, when I have participated in the run, I have always miss all the announcements and awards afterward ( I take too long), this year because I walked the 10 km, I witnessed the ceremony at the end of the race. The most powerful part of the entire experience was the piping in (bag pipes) and honoring the families that lost someone to suicide. I could really feel their pain and was hit with a desire to do more, raise more money and awareness to prevent any more families from going through this struggle. I think that with more people talking about how they are feeling and what is happening for them, we can help prevent suicide and the pain that it causes by those left behind.

That was my week......

350 days to grading

Sihing Kichko

Don't be a Litter Bug

That's what we used to say when I was a kid, Don't be a Litter Bug. We were very open about telling anyone we saw to pick up their garbage. We were not worried about being politically correct, it wasn't a case of respecting our elders or not, it was socially acceptable to chastise anyone for littering. That seems to have evolved into people throwing their garbage around when no one is looking. We seem to have taught our children that it is okay to litter as long as no one is looking. Not the best message. The children have, in turn, decided that 'You can't tell me what to do' and throw their garbage on the ground where ever they are, no matter who is looking or not. They seem to have the attitude that it doesn't matter or someone else will come and pick it up,or that it is okay because other people do it.
Well, Guess What? It is not okay and it does matter and we need to go back to telling people not to be litter bugs.

Here is my plan:

Don't litter!

Be brave enough to tell anyone you see, not to litter

Pick up garbage when you see it, don't leave for someone else to get.

There are lots of big jobs that need doing to clean up our environment and to treat mother earth with the respect that she deserves. This is something that we can all do every day to show that respect.

One Foot In Front of the Other

My training is going well. I have been spending a lot of time in the park and that is a fabulous place to do Kung Fu. I have also tried Tai Chi in the park and it is amazing. I have tried it outside before, in my yard, but in the park, surrounded by trees and grass and all that stuff, it is amazing. I felt like my Chi was humming the whole time and I really felt in touch with the earth. I think that I will continue to practice outside as long as the weather permits.

My Kung Fu feels good as well. I continue to move forward, one step at a time. I participated in the demo this weekend and it was a lot of fun. It isn't something that I have ever imagined myself doing and it was totally outside my comfort zone, but I enjoyed it anyways. It was fun practicing with a group of people, it felt neat to represent Silent River, and once the demo started, it was all about Kung Fu. I didn't even think of the people watching, only of doing a good job and staying with my team mates.

I have been spending some quality time with some of my classmates, doing forms, reviewing technique, discussing combinations. It is such a blast to hang out with like minded people, laughing and trying stuff out on each other and taking risks and helping each other. I feel truely blessed to have these people in my life.

My at home training is going well too. I have developed a new routine to exclude work for a few weeks and I seem to be settleing in to it. I thought it would be easy to train and not have to worry about going to work, but it was a bit of a struggle at first. I really had to push myself to get started and to follow a routine. When I have limited time, I just get it done. When I have all day, I have to create a structure so that I don't wasted time and put off what needs to get done. It has been a learning process.

At the Kwoon, I feel the support and encouragement from everyone, each time that I train there. It feels absolutely fabulous. I am not sure how I could have not noticed it before, I guess I had my blinders on. I am very glad that I opened my eyes.

So, that is what has been happening with me for the last couple of weeks. I will be reviewing my goals this week and posting how that is coming along.

We got a new puppy, her name is Sadie, and soon there will be pictures for all to see how adorable she is.

Have a great week.

Rough Week

Self doubt, negativity and fear have plagued me throughout the past week, again. Just when I think that I have conquered this stuff, it comes back in spades. The difference this week, compared to all the others, is that I kept going. I acknowledged the negative thoughts and continued to work out, meet the obligations that I had set out.

I assumed that I could put to rest some of the garbage that lives in my head and move on. It seems that I can control it to an extent but it continues to live there. The way that I deal with it is changing. I am not letting it control me and how I eat and what I do, I am in control of it and I am choosing to ignore it this week and hope that it will slink back into it's hiding place sooner rather than later. I must admit that it is tiring and my smile does not come as readily to my face as usual but I am willing to stick it out and win this battle.

The above entry was last week's and I was afraid to publish it because I was afraid. I attempted to ignore what was happening in my head and push forward and not tell anyone what was happening. It did not have the effect that I was looking for. It got worse, it refused to slink back into it's hiding place, it demanded to be dealt with. I did what I know how to do best, I got scared,worried that I couldn't work past it and I stopped. Yes, stopped! I stopped training, stopped attending class and stopped talking to people who could help me over this obstacle. It did not last for long ( the stopping), it was only three days, but it seems like a really long time to me. I was lost and alone.

So what did I do..... Well, I talked my husband's ear off. I made a list of the things that were bothering me, actually two list, one of things I could change and one of things that I needed to accept and move on. I also managed to put into words, how I was feeling and what I was thinking. I shared this with a few people and found out that I am not alone( I never was) and I am not lost(just temporarily misdirected). I hope that I am not making this sound easy, it was one of the toughest weeks that I have experienced. I survived with a little help from my friends.

Moving forward

This has been an interesting week. I took some chances with my sihing group, I attended boot camp and forged some new friendships.

I decided last week that maybe I was not the only one who was a little apprehensive with upcoming black belt grading. (I feel like I have been working towards this goal for a long time, and now that it is getting closer, it is kinda scary.) I chose to share this with my group and could not be more relieved with the results. It seems that we all have demons to fight in one way, shape or form. The fact that we can all help each other through is a great feeling. I really feel a great deal of positive energy from my kung fu family.

Ahhh....boot camp! I love boot camp, I make no secret of this. It is a day completely devoted to kung fu. No phones, no interruptions, no interference from the outside world. The location helps to lay the ground work for this, it is at a beautiful location, out in the country, seemingly miles from civilization (with running water and flush toilets). Most of the day is fun, learning new stuff, sweating and playing with like minded people, eating together, sharing stories, and creating new ones. It sets the stage for the end of the day, the fitness test. This is a interesting bonding experience, everyone is trying to do their best and trying to encourage everyone else to do their best at the same time. The results (numbers) are not nearly as important after the test as you think they are going to be before it starts. What is important at the end is that you tried your hardest and so did the rest of the group and you have done everything in your power to help them do that. I always walk away satisfied that I put in a good days work. This year was no exception, although I did feel more bonded to this group then I ever have before. This probably has more to do with where I am and what I have to offer. I realized lately that it is not what you can do that defines you but how you get there. I am sure that I have been told that many times, it is the sinking in that takes time.

I Love Kung Fu

Why do we do what we do?

I love that feeling when I am trying really hard, concentrating, to perfect a move or a technique. I love that feeling when it feels just right. I love the feeling after practicing my kicks for an hour or so in the basement. I love that feeling when I finish my push ups everyday. I love when I notice that I need to make a change in my form and then I can do it. I love that feeling in class when you are working with a partner on a technique and I am so focused and so intense that I don't really notice anything around me. I love that feeling when I'm doing Kung Fu. I enjoy Kung Fu so much that sometimes I want to laugh out loud when practicing ( this is not an appropriate response in class).

This week, I had the pleasure and pain of trying to explain to someone why Kung Fu is so important. What do we get from it? Well, the above paragraph is just the tip of the ice berg. There is so much that I get from being a part of Silent River Kung Fu that it is hard to put into words and hard to explain the passion. I feel like I belong to a great big extended family. I think that there is an answer to anything that I could ask, right here in our family. (Yesterday, in the change room, I found the answer to one of my struggles with pull ups.) I think that if I did not belong to Silent River, I would still be yearning for a way to give back to the community and still not really know how. I think that I would still be searching to find a way to use something I enjoy(knitting) to give back to the community. I think that I would still be looking in awe at people who can set goals and reach them. ( I always used to think that was something only other people could do). I always wanted to be a leader and I was never sure how, now I think that I am getting the picture.

What do we give to it? Well, that one seems easier to answer. We give our passion and dedication. Our desire to do better, be better, achieve more. We give our time and ourselves, we strive to be accomplished martial artists.

I wasn't really sure how to write down all that has been happening in my head this week. I decided to start writing and see what happened. Looking back at it, it seems a bit rambling, but I am not sure how to do it any other way. To put some structure to it, would seem to muddy the process. So here it is......my love for Kung Fu.

Challenge for the Soul

The first time I saw this challenge, I picked out the things that were outside my comfort zone and I dismissed it. I didn't give it another thought until someone mentioned it and said that I would benefit from it. So, I took another look and decided that challenges were for going outside our comfort zones.

The first day turned out to easier that I thought. It was Saturday and I spent most of the day at Kung Fu, so giving out authentic compliments seemed natural. The fact that I had to be aware of them was a bit different.
The second day, acts of kindness, was another one that was inside my zone and something that I have been working on for a while now. I committed many different kinds of acts; kindness to mother earth by collecting litter, kindness through words of encouragement, kindness to strangers and kindness to my friends and family. The whole day left me feeling warm inside and thinking that I had a positive impact on my world.
On the third day, I pored my feelings into a couple of letters to my family. They were both touched by the sentiment. At first, I felt kinda cheap because I only did it because of the challenge. Then I really paid attention to the impact it had on them and the reason I wrote the letters seemed irrelevant.
Day 4, make a list of all that I'm grateful for. I thought about it all day and then made my list before bed. It was a good positive way to end my day.
Day 5, the hug day, hug a least 10 different people. I consider myself a touchy person, I hug, I touch when I talk, I punch, I grapple, I comfort with my hands.... Anyways, it was awkward having to reach outside my circle and ask for hugs. I even hugged a team mate that I have never hugged before. I think that it was okay as long as it was spontaneous but once it was planned and thought out, it didn't seem comfortable anymore. But enough about me, the people I hugged seemed to really appreciate the gesture. They didn't know it was pre-planned, they just appreciated it for what it was. It was a good day to pay attention to how I was received compared to how I was feeling.
On the sixth day, I had to turn all my negative thought into positive ones. It turned out to be more difficult than I anticipated. My work day consisted of dealing with a staff member's mistake and how others were reacting to it. My struggle was with the other people's reaction and how negative they were and then my negative thoughts as a reaction to them. What a nasty circle. It is disturbing how easy and quickly things can go in a negative direction. It left me wondering why isn't it as easy to be positive? Why is it more comfortable to say disparaging remarks than to speak up and re-direct the comments in a positive direction? Yet, if the person in question is in front of us, we avoid the truth (our true thoughts and feelings) and lie in an attempt to protect their feelings. Is this learned behavior? This day made my realize how hard I work to stay positive and be honest. Does this mean that I am a naturally negative person? I sure hope not!
Day 7 - Me day! Sounds easy, be nice to myself and make a list of all the qualities that make me unique. I struggled with the list, it was way outside my comfort zone. I didn't know what to write, it took a lot of searching to figure out how I see myself, I am not sure that I know yet. I did do one thing for me, it was not as easy as I thought either. The whole time, I had to keep saying, 'I do not feel guilty'. I did manage but it was a challenge.

So, what did I learn this week?
I think that being a good person and having a positive impact on my world is something that I need to work on everyday. I don't think that I will ever be done, goal achieved! I think that each day I will improve but never be finished trying to get better.

LEADERSHIP SEMINAR

I wasn't exactly sure what to expect from the leadership seminars but I wanted an opportunity to learn and so there I was.

The first week was a bit of a surprise (okay, bombshell would be a better word), at the end of the workshops, we (the students) were to do a presentation. We could do it in groups or alone, it had to be about the leadership project that we are working on. In the seminars, we were going to learn the tools we needed for the presentations and for our projects. I learned so much in the past month that I am not sure that I can do it justice in my journal. I learned so much about being a presenter by watching and listening to the different presenters.

Sifu Brinker talked about public speaking, he taught us about paying attention to your surroundings; BE a listener, KNOW your audience and your subject matter and DO follow up on what you say you are going to do(take responsibility). He talked about the three tools of empowerment; enlightenment(Who am I? What do I want?),empathy(Who are you? What do you want?) and accountability(Be 100% responsible for your success or failure). Throughout his presentation, Sifu Brinker shared with us how he lets his passion shine through and how he knows all the facts about his subject before he embarks on a presentation. I really enjoy listening to Sifu Brinker talk about anything and I felt like he gave us an inner glimpse into how he captures the interest of his audience by being authentic and letting his emotions and passions shine through. He is a public speaker that we could all aspire to be.

Sifu T.Playter taught us about research, she promised that it would be dull and boring but it had to be done. I was completely entranced by her presentation, at the end, I couldn't believe that it was over. She has a unique way of speaking and teaching that assures you that the thing you dread the most (research) is not that bad and if you just keep at it, with patience, you will succeed. Sifu Playter shared a calm confidence in me that gave me the push to try new and old techniques of gathering data. She also taught us step by step instructions on how to do research, keep track of where we found it and how to format it to give credit where it is due, and all kinds of tips on how to navigate through tonnes on information to find what we are looking for. It was definitely not boring and she definitely showed me that it was doable.

Sifu M.Playter talked about goal setting and planning your time effectively. I could have listened to him all night. His passion for Kung Fu was there in every word he spoke and in every story he told. He taught us about not wasting any time, making each work out, each repetition count, each one should be perfect. He talked about the 100x theory and how if each technique is not perfect then you are actually going backwards in your training and will have to work that much harder to gain back the progress that you were making. He talked about not taking on too much, know your limitations and if you take on too much then you can't give your all to everything. That doesn't mean you shouldn't push yourself to do more and to try harder, it means know where your wall is. He taught us about prioritizing by making a list of what is important and keep them in the forefront of you mind when organizing yourself. Sifu Playter talked about dedication and never quitting. He stated "Quitting is the only way to truly fail." I think everyone should put that on their fridges as a daily reminder to not give up, not matter what the obstacles are. As he was wrapping up, Sifu Playter gave us tips for the black belt test, one statement says it all. "The test is like knife fighting, their will be a lot of blood and it will all be yours." I was surprised by all that I learned from Sifu Playter, I had not heard him speak publicly before and I was really glad that I had.

Last but not least was Sifu Freitag. She taught us about teaching and gave us some insight into what they don't teach you about teaching. Sifu talked about knowing your resources before you start; What you need to know, What you should know and What is nice to know. She taught us how to teach a technique, show the whole technique, break it down and then show the whole technique again. She also talked about how to have the student do part of the technique, then do another part and then put it all together for the whole. It really gave me some insight as to how the classes are run at Silent River from the teacher's perspective, which is valuable to me as I attempt to shift from a student role to that of a teacher. Sifu Freitag also taught us about lesson plans and what needs to be included in them; Goals, Training Aids, and Main Teaching Points. She talked about Preparation, Presentation , Application, Feedback and Positive Reinforcement.
She gave us tonnes of tips on how to teach a class, signs to watch out for, ways to make each class fun. The biggest lesson of the day for me was that you can book learn how to teach as much as you want but the rubber meets the road when you step in front of a group of students and you can keep them all interested, be sensitive to each person's learning style and follow a lesson plan, all at the same time. My hat is off to Sifu Freitag and all the instructors at Silent River for doing an amazing job every day.

That brings me to the presentations by the students (that's us). I felt pretty good as I prepared for my presentation, I was confident that the seminars had given me the tools I needed to succeed. That didn't take away the serious case of nerves that attacked me as I began my presentation. My voice reduced to a whisper, kinda shook a bit and some nervous pacing and I was off and running. I think I was nervous because I was sharing some personal information at the beginning of my talk and I was worried about being too emotional ( I think). I didn't really need to worry about it because I was so quiet, not everyone could hear me. I think that once I got past that part, I began to feel more comfortable and relaxed and enjoyed it. I was first to present, so then I got to relax and enjoy the rest of the presentations. It was very cool to listen to all the different people's ideas and you could see what each person had learned throughout the seminars. I can't wait to participate in the projects that were presented. Each one is about giving back to our community, it will be fun.

Thank you Sifu T.Playter for organizing the seminars.

Intensity

Intensity is being in the moment. It is putting all of your focus and energy into what you are doing and being aware of all the pieces that make it possible. You are aware of where you are, who is around you, how you are moving and breathing. All of these things come together to create what you want to accomplish. To improve you intensity, practice with focus and concentration and put all of you energy into what you are doing. Don't hold back for another technique, put everything into the one you are doing.
Intensity in your career and how you organize your life has probably worked well for you. In order to be successful in your job or your education, you have to have intensity, focus and concentration. You also have to be engaged in what you are doing. This means that you have to have your assignments done on time, show up prepared for your meetings/classes and accomplish the work that you committed to doing. Try this strategy with your Kung Fu. Go to class prepared, complete the assigns that you are given and commit to and practice what you say you are going to. Being a martial artist isn't just showing up twice a week and participating in class and not thinking about it for the rest of the week. Being a martial artist is about being engaged in your training, making it a part of your life, practicing with intensity and following through on the things that you said that you would do. We are lucky because our teachers at Silent River make it easy for us, they give us assignments so that we have something to work on between classes, they tell us how to practice and how to be engaged in what we are doing. All we have to do is put into practice what is already laid out for us.
Have intensity in what you are doing always.

Letter of Intent

In Sept. 2007, I laid out the plans for my journey to my black belt test. The plans have changed many times so far but the goal remains the same. In the last week of April 2009, I handed in my letter of intent (a requirement for black belt grading). It requires that you put in writing your intent to grade for black belt. It's just a few lines, a simple request, one more thing checked off my list. Ha! Who knew something so small could have such a large impact? It changed everything and made my sights on my goal more clear (which I didn't think was possible). I have been more focused and committed during this journey than I had thought possible and I think that I was seeing my end goal with rose-colored glasses. Now it seems real, doable, reachable. Not the distant goal from 2007 but the attainable, in the moment, right now goal. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this well, this has had such a huge impact on me, it seems like words are inadequate. I can clearly visualize myself reaching my goal and it feels right. I am not longer nervous or anxious, I am excited and the thought in the forefront of my mind is. 'I'm doing this.'

Each day, all day, I am engaged in my training. Quitting,being too tired, or not feeling like it are no longer part of my world. I just keep going.

Ahhh... the tournament

I love the tournament. Each year it gives me an immeasurable gift. Let me tell you about my tournament experience.
Each year after Christmas, my daughter and I start talking about the tournament. We consider what to enter and what forms to do. This year it was more involved as it required her to learn a new form so that we could do it together. We get right to work, practicing, revising and laughing a lot. You would think that that would be the big pay off right there but it is only part of it. The bond that we share as we prepare for the tournament only enhances the one that grows as we practice our Kung Fu together throughout the year. We talk about how it is going to feel at the tournament, what it is going to be like and what we expect to learn from it.
This year, I was not sure what to expect. Last year, my goal was to compete well in the sparring division and I was successful. This year, I had more confidence, I was better prepared and I did not place as well. I still was not sure what my goal was.
Sunday morning dawned bright and clear and I understood everything. It was an absolutely amazing journey and that was the lesson learned this year. I didn't really appreciate it until the day after and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am exactly in the right place that I want to be, practicing my Kung Fu everyday and evolving into the person that I want to be.
It wasn't until after the fact that I understood the lesson, so do yourselves a favor next year. Enter the tournament, plan what you want to do and sit back and enjoy the ride. Don't worry about being nervous or judged, just chose a goal and keep your sights set on it.

I believe a black belt is......

A Leader
Strong
Accountable
A Role Model
A Teacher
A Goal Setter
Honest
Encouraging
Open
Patient
Trustworthy
A Planner
Determined
Tenacious
A Student
Respectful
Responsible
Empathetic

My strengths and weaknesses change as I learn and grow. I am learning the difference between looking in the mirror and really seeing myself. I can see what moves I am doing, and can figure out what I need to change. I am developing my eye for detail.

I am tenacious and determined to learn to be a better martial artist. I enjoy figuring out how to make techniques work and how to use my chi in all aspects of my kung fu and my life.

I am improving and strengthening my awareness. I am beginning to realize that I am a role model and I do have an impact on the other students and the people around me.

I enjoy teaching Kung Fu. It gives me the opportunity to show my passion. I would like to strengthen my teaching methods so I can explain things in more that one way. I think a good teacher is patient, flexible, empathetic and has respect for their students. I am also learning to be a good student. I am more attentive to what my teachers are teaching me instead of trying to show what I know. I have learned to trust my teachers and now I am more open to their encouragement and guidance.

I am learning to be a better planner. I can now create a plan with a back up. I am an optimist and I have a difficult time creating a plan for success because I don't see the down side. I am getting better at ensuring my plan won't fail by being accountable and taking responsibilities for my actions and inactions.

Each and everything I do each day takes me a step closer to my goal and by keeping that in the forefront of my mind, I will reach my goal. Each day I feel stronger, more honest with myself and a little closer to the leader that I want to be. Each day what I believe makes a good black belt is becoming me.

Continued Personal Growth

I have been dissatisfied with my weight for a very long time..... I have been thinking about this lately, since the challenge came out on kwoon talk, and I think that I may have myself figured out.

I am a very healthy person. I have very few health problems and the ones that I have are manageable. I am a very active person, my body allows me to do the many things that I enjoy. I can do Kung Fu for hours, I can run a half marathon, I can bike, roller blade, swim, and power walk without any physical consequences. I eat a healthy diet that focuses on fresh fruits and veggies with healthy carbs and protein for energy and muscle building. I sometimes wonder why I am not satisfied?

No one I know identifies with me based on my weight. Friends, family and colleagues comment on my dedication, commitment, leadership skills, and positive impact on my community. People who care about me say, 'Hey, you're amazing, sometimes I wish I had your dedication.' So why do I focus/obsess on how I look? No one else seems to care. My most recent A-ha moment is.... It only matters WHO I am. The size I am is the size I am, accept it. I am going to continue to focus on my life goals and my black belt goals. One of them is to learn, read and research about diet and nutrition. I have read quite a bit in the past 7 months and have learned a lot about how to fuel my body to meet the training demands that I place on it. I am shifting gears slightly and I am beginning to focus on how to fuel my body before, after and during a physically taxing day such as a half-marathon, a tournament and black belt grading. I am no longer thinking about losing weight, I am focusing on eating healthy, getting stronger, and improving my personal fitness.

I believe that I can stop obsessing by focusing on the important things(to me right now). What really matters is who I am, and part of who I am is someone who is able to push themselves to the limit and sometimes even beyond. I am again learning what is important and what is really a minor issue. I really do like the continued growth, so if you are facing a problem hang in there, keep trying, aim high, try to focus on what is important, what is the goal, what fuels your passion, what can you learn, how can you help, how can you grow away from your problem so it is very small.

Growth, Change, and Staying the Same

I have been thinking a lot lately about my journey. I have changed a lot in the past year. I think about where I was last year at this time and I can't believe the difference. My attitude towards life, others, training, goals, (I could go on and on) has changed so much that I almost don't recognize the girl from last year.

It is almost time to start recording our push ups and sit ups to hand in for Sept. Last year at this time, I put a lot of pressure on myself to do it right and proper and I thought that at the end of the six months that I would be stronger and more capable. This year, I am stronger and I am looking forward to doing push ups and sit ups every day. I have stopped looking at the end and I am living in the moment. I used to always think, I can't wait , now, I'm just doing it.

I am training each day to improve my kung fu. Some days, I only have time to think about my forms and techniques and some days, I get to do them. I am excited each to day to approach my training with intensity and focus. I feel like a sponge, I seem to be absorbing everything that I am being taught. Sometimes, it may take a few repeats for me to catch on but I am able to learn more than before. I think I opened myself up to learning when I wrote my own black belt goals in Aug. and I have grown in leaps and bounds since then.

All though all people are created equal I am also beginning to realize that I am shorter than a lot of people, but I don't think of myself as a short person. I need to have a better grasp on where I am in the world if I want to be a better martial artist. I have to be able to judge how much taller someone is so that I can respond more effectively. This is especially the case in sparring, if I think that I am the same size as a taller opponent, then I will not be able to judge my distance or their reach. My plan is to look in the mirror when I am paired up with someone of a different size so that I can get a visual and learn from that.

A couple of weeks ago, Master Brinker lead the warm up for our class. He counted off 50 push ups in a row and I just did them. At first, I figured that it was more proof that he is magical and can make anyone do anything. When I asked him about it, I was surprised to find out that I had it in me all along, I just didn't know it. I had been doing 30 push ups in a row and I had figured that that was my limit. I now do 50 push ups in a row and it is not nearly as hard as I thought that it would be, and it doesn't take nearly as long to reach my daily quota.

I think that I used to be afraid of change and I now I embrace it, in fact, I demand it, especially from myself.

Squat thrusts - Who'd thunk it?

So last week my only thought on squat thrusts was Yuk! I don't like doing them, don't like how I feel when I'm doing them or how I feel after doing them. If I were one to say hate, they would come close to that category. It has always bugged me that there is a part of my kung fu that I don't like. It has been in the back of my mind for quite some time that I should do something about it. On Wednesday when one of the sihings suggested that we challenge ourselves to do a set number of squat thrusts, I thought, here's my chance to change how I feel. The first day was great, the exercise gave me an opportunity to spend some time with one of my clients. We talked about personal fitness, goals and how to reach them, as well as doing squats thrusts, push ups and sit ups. It was a great learning experience for both of us.
On the second day, some large obstacles got in the way of the exercise and my training. The positive is that I didn't beat myself up, I just adjusted my plan so that I could still reach my goal.
The third day was fun. I did my squat thrusts with Katie and we pushed each other through the rough spots. She is an excellent work out partner. She sucks up the encouragement like a sponge and then gives it back ten fold. It is great watching her leadership grow.
The fourth day was all about getting out of my own head. I was tired, work was draining, and all I wanted was some quality couch time. After approx. one hour on the couch and a serious popcorn munch, I was faced with two people who couldn't believe that I was blowing off my squat thrusts. I responded with, I'll do extra tomorrow. They left me to ponder that. It would mean doing double on each of the last two days but I had no energy and I don't really like squat thrusts. All my long and short term goals flashed before my eyes. It didn't take long and I was off the couch. I broke down the actually movement and started to almost enjoy it. I liked reaching to the sky, I feel long and lean while doing the motion. the squat seems like the easy part, I think gravity should take the credit for it. I also really like the thrust, it feels controlled and not at the same time. Its like I push my legs out, they have a moments of freedom, and then I pull them back again. So for my entire workout last night, I paid attention to how my body moved and marveled at what I could do. It was a cool experience and I am glad I pushed myself off the couch and did what I said I would do and I liked it. I am looking forward to the last two day of the challenge and I am planning on adding squat thrusts to my weekly training. I never thought I would like squat thrusts and I am glad that I pushed myself to discover them.

Feb.06/09 - What a month!

I am truly amazed at the obstacles and challenges that have presented themselves in the past month. It began with my return to work after my holidays. It seems a little surreal. My family had been coping with the loss of our dog for two weeks and returning to work was like getting hit in the face with a cold glass of water. Life went on for them, they didn't even know my dog, they (my workmates) empathized with me, but were not really affected by my life altering events. Hmmm.... So the first week was a struggle for me emotionally, I was coping by sticking to my routine, exercising and practicing kung fu.

And the, one of my clients attempted suicide. This is a very challenging thing to have to deal with. Once the person is safe and the crisis for them has past, then the team has to re-group and look after themselves. It is part of my job as team leader to make sure that my team is doing what they need to do to look after themselves. This includes reviewing the incident and discussing what we could do differently next time, listening to their thoughts and feelings regarding the incident and coaching them to use their coping strategies when not at work. I love looking after people but I find it exhausting. My coping stategy in this case was to sleep as much as possible and pore all my energy into doing my job. Good stategy for work, but not great for my routine for exercise and kung fu. This is why we do extra reps and work hard when we can, so when life takes a chunk out fo us, we can survive. I survived after a few days and got back on track with my routine.

And then I go to my first wellness meeting since before Christmas. I am shocked by the attitudes of most of the members of the committee. They seem to have lost their good will towards mankind over the holidays. They were no longer interested in improving the wellness of our work place, they seemed focused on creating something to show that we were trying to improve other's wellness. So instead of actually doing the work, they wanted to prove to others (?) that they were doing it. When they spoke about their teammates, it was in a desparaging manner and when confronted were defensive, blamed each other and took no responsibility for their actions. Hmmmm.... how did I fall in with this bunch of "caregivers", who only wanted everyone to think they were concerned with others? A bigger question.......what am I going to do about it? My first reaction was to walk away, label them hopeless and avoid the group at all costs. I don't think that I could sleep at night if I did that so I decided that I will stay with the group. I am going to continue to coach them that it matters how we talk to each other and how we talk about each other. I am going to continue to lead by example by not participating in their negative talk. I didn't think wellness would be so hard.

And then in class one day, Master Brinker talked about wiping the slate clean with the beginning of the Year Of the Ox. I liked that idea and we were to commemorate this new beginning with one thousand push ups and sit ups. My life/work threatened to get in the way but I was determined to complete my task. I set my watch and whenever possible, I stopped what I was doing at work and did 25 of each. This worked and I was 3/4 done by supper. I had mentioned the challenge to Katie and at first she thought she was too little for such a big task. When she focused on all the ways she could complete the task, she became more and more positive she could succeed. We were lucky enough to get to finish our push ups and sit ups together after supper and it was a great experience.

And then we got sick. Two weeks of not doing anything physical due to bronchitis and laranghitis, leaves a lot of time for relflecting and planning. When I envisioned myself reaching my goals, I thought I would work hard everyday and slowly, steadily, I would get there. This has not been the case, it is more like feast or famine. I have short periods where I can train for 2 or 3 hours a day and short periods where I can't train at all. It seems to be balancing out so that I am meeting my goals, just not the way I thought it would happen.


Now we are about to embark in a celebration of the Year of the Ox, congratulate our accomplishments of the past year and make plans and goals for the year to come. Whew.....what a month!

New Year...

I greet the new year with excitement, wonder, anxiety and some fear.

I am very excited about my journey. Each time I set a goal or encounter a set back, the journey is not what I think it will be and the lesson learned is not what I imagined. I have many goals to reach this year and I am excited about how I am going to reach them.

The wonder that I have about the coming year involves our acts of kindness, our projects, and our community involvement. What will they look like after one year of concentrated involvement by so many people? I will enjoy watching them grow and reflecting on them at this time next year.

My anxiety and fear revolve around my goals and whether or not I can achieve them. Have I taken on too much? Are my goals reachable? Some of the things I have set our to do, I have never done before, so there is some fear of the unknown. I have been working on my goals since Aug.01/08 and I am at the point where doubt starts to creep in. I am countering that by trying new training techniques and by focusing on one day at a time. For example, I started running again last week and instead of being worried about the 1/2 marathon in Sept/09, I am focusing on doing a little bit more each week. I am using HIIT to get me back in the swing. I have never tried it before and I am enjoying the energy bursts that I get afterwards.

It is going to be a great year and I plan to face it straight on with my head held high and my eyes wide open.