Stuck

I'm having a hard time putting pen to paper (so to speak), I have many things going on and yet nothing wants to come out.
I'll keep trying:)

Blogging has value

I think that I want to write about my journey, but I am not exactly sure what that is going to look like. Kung Fu has changed my life so much, that I don't know where to begin to talk about it. I guess I can start at the beginning. In 2003, I attended my first Chinese New Year and Black Belt Ceremony and I was blown away by the stories that I heard. I was so moved by the one journey that I heard that I leaned over and whispered to my husband, one day, I would like to do something like that. At first, it didn't seem possible and there seemed to be many obstacles in my way and it seemed like one of those dreams that you take out every once in while and sigh about. One day, I learned that there was a way around some of the obstacles and there were people willing to help me over the others. When I look back over the past five years, some of the obstacles that seemed so challenging at the time, now appear to have been easy. I just needed to push myself. For example, getting up at 7:00 am for the morning class after working until 11:00 pm the night before. At times it seemed impossible, now it is just part of what I do because I love Kung Fu.
I am sure that I have many more obstacles to face but I am confident that I can find a way around them and that I have the supports in place to help me.

This was my very first blog ever! Mar.01,2008!!! I can't believe that it has been more than five years, that is a lot of blogs. I didn't really see the value when I first started but I trusted my instructors so I tried it. It turns out that I don't mind blogging at all, I kinda like it. Every Sunday, no matter how tired  I am, I sit down and write about what is most prevalent in my mind. It is not always Kung Fu, but is definitely Kung fu related. On this path towards mastery, everything has value, it is the only way!

Rambling

Yesterday was a great Kung Fu day! It was great to start the day off practicing forms with some of my favorite people. When you practice alone a lot, it is very refreshing to bounce ideas off others and to also see what they have been up to. I also really like the feeling at the Kwoon during Pandamonium, everyone works together to get stuff done, there is always lot's of laughs and I always walk away feeling like I was part of something great that day! Yesterday was like that!!!
I have been working on making my lungs work better, this has included modifying some of my activities and adding some that I should have been doing all along. I need to allow my body to rest and heal but I also still need to do stuff. So I have been trying to rest more, not pack as many things into each day, and I am trying to do my Tai Chi form everyday as this is really good for my lungs. I remember a few years ago, one of my goals was to do Tai Chi everyday and I really enjoyed it, was able to reach a relaxed state easier, and then I stopped 'cause of stupid reasons probably and I really missed it. So hopefully it won't take too long to make it a habit again.
I have been working especially hard at my diet, not the OMG I have to lose weight kind, the I sure would like to feel better kind. So I have been paying attention to how my body reacts to different foods and food groups and trying not to eat anything to disrupt the delicate balance that I have created. I have been living the dream and feeling pretty good in my stomach for the last few months.
This post feels a little rambley but that is how I feel today, so that is how it is.

What you can't see is really there!

You can't see mental illness, you can't tell if someone has it and you can't pretend that it doesn't exist.
What is IT? Well, mental illness can take many forms, some of them prevent people from holding a job, going to school or even leaving the house. Some of them are not as obvious; depression, attention deficit and obsessive compulsive disorder, to name a few. Many of these things can be medicated and allow people to lead the type of life that they want to, but there are things that people don't see or know.

Finding the right medication for you takes time and a lot of patience. When dealing with depression for example, there are many anti-depressants out there and very few will work for you. The only way to figure it out is to try them and see if they work. In the meantime, you may feel worse, you may feel like you are losing your mind, gaining or losing weight, not sleeping or sleeping all the time. You also may have to try one for up to six weeks to ascertain if it works for you and if it doesn't, you can't just quit taking it, you have to ween yourself off of it. As you grow, you may need to repeat this process more than once.

Finding the right therapist can also take some time and patience. Not all therapist are created equal and not all people get along with each other. It takes time to check out different therapists to see if they are a match for you.

Finding the right people to let into your world can also be a challenge. No matter how open minded folks seem to be, you never really know how they are going to react until you tell them. That can be risky as there are all kinds of stigmas attached to mental illness, your friends may begin to treat you differently or decide not be around you anymore. Although it is for the best if they chose not to be your friend, it can be kind of lonely.

People who battle with a mental illness are in for a life long battle and need and deserve our empathy and respect.

Silent!

On April 18th, I was silent for 24 hours! I figured how hard can it be? I chose to talk often, so I will just chose not to talk!
I was totally wrong, it was one of the hardest challenges that I have ever done. Even when I was alone, I had to pay attention so that I wouldn't talk out loud ( I didn't realize that I did that very much). It was very similar to all of the other challenges that we have done at our school, I had to stay mindful all day long, because if I relaxed for one second, words came out of my mouth. It wasn't necessarily staying mindful that was difficult, it was that I figued that it would be easy and it wasn't.
Not talking while teaching the Beginner Black Dragons was a blast, the kids were totally on board and some of my non-verbal messages were understood!
I stayed up way passed my bedtime so that I could share my day with my husband. I had this need to tell him about all the struggles (and giggles) that I encountered all day long. It was like being able to breath after holding my breathe for a really long time, it was a great relief. Communicating with others is a fundamental need, I can't imagine what it would be like to live in a world where my voice wasn't heard.
To answer some of the questions that were asked of me that day and I couldn't answer at the time;
-the blue socks matched because there was blue in my t-shirt
-I plan on working on my kung fu in my free time so that I am better prepared the next time we spare
-I don't talk in my sleep
-I am fine and havning a wonderful day
-Pandamonium for the Beginner Black Dragons is at 12:30 pm
-it doesn't really matter what we have for supper as long as we are all together!
-and finally you probably don't want to really know what I think of that which is probably why you are asking while I can't answer.
The main thing that occured for me was that I was able to share with many more people than I at first imagined, the plight of some of the young people in our world. I talked alot about the Free the Children champagne in the weeks prior to the event and with just as many since that day, and we all know that the more people know about what is going on, the more likely it is that they will lend a hand.
You don't have to take a stand in the same way that I did, but please do - Take a Stand! We can't help our children while sitting on the side lines.