We often talk about making our world a better place one bit at a time, what do we do about it? We do acts of kindness, we volunteer, we donate and we become those people who do nice things for others. How do we encourage others to do the same? We ask them to pay it forward. Every time someone does something nice for you, do something nice for someone else. I think this is the answer to spreading the word.
Until next week, work hard and have fun

I woke up this morning and realized that it was Thursday and I hadn't written my blog yet. So here I am.
The bully at work seems to have had the wind taken out of his sails by other people confronting him about his behavior. I am also being assertive and not allowing him to push me around (not literally). I am still kind of nervous when dealing with the situation but it is getting better.
I am not usually at work at this time of year, I am usually on holidays. I find it heart wrenching to be around my clients at this time of year. They are so sad about their station in life and there is not much that can be done about it. We ( the staffing group) try really hard to share traditions and do extra special things so that they don't feel so bad. We know that we can't replace the love of a family but we do try quite hard. I think that they appreciate our efforts.
I am very blessed to have a loving family of my own to come home to at the end of the day. If it wasn't for their love and support, I am not sure that I would be able to do the work that I love. I hope that I can give a little bit back to them this holiday season and show them how much I appreciate them.
I have been thinking and working on my UBBT 8 goals for most of this month and I think that I am nearly done. I still have a couple of goals that I am not sure how to write but I am confident that I will complete them by the end of next week (some of you may have heard they would be done this week but that was a typo).
I have a challenge for my teammates, I will do the black belt fitness test 30 times in 2011, anyone interested in joining me?
Until next week, work hard and have fun (and don't eat too much!)

Opportunities for growth, they are everywhere!

Someone I know is trying to bully me. This is not an easy thing to handle. It doesn't matter how well trained you are, how many workshops that you attend or how strong you think you are, they will still try. They take small amounts of information about you and use it to cast doubt, inflict pain, and prove that they are better than you are. I know all the reasons why he is doing it, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. It has been a month of continual conflict with this person and it is getting old. I know that when you stand up to a bully, they try harder to win and it is difficult at first, but if you persevere they will eventually stop. I think that I am at the part where they are trying harder and have been for the last month, at each level they just keep pushing and pushing. It is difficult to stand strong but that is what I am doing, that is what I have been trained to do.
I was going to wait to write about this when it was over but that is what I always do. Then I write a nice blog about how it turned out great and I grew tons and tons. Well, I am growing and it hurts and it is not very much fun. I have to concentrate really hard when I am training so that it doesn't interfere, and once I get going I totally forget about everything except what I am doing (Too cool!). I have to measure all my words so that nothing can be used against me. This is also good for me because I have a tendency to speak now and think later, it is very challenging but I am getting there. I know that good will come from this, I am on a steep growing curve. Since Oct.23rd, everything has meaning and every moment is an opportunity to grow, learn and succeed.
Until next week, work hard and have fun.

The Christmas Present

by Billy M. Smallwood

I heard a knock on my door one Christmas Eve,
As I looked out my window a man I could see,
he was cold and seemed so lonely and upon a bended knee
he asked can you spare anything for me to eat...
I opened up the door and as I helped him in,
he looked up at me with such a peaceful grin,
As he drank down some coffee and had a bite to eat,
I put more wood on the fire so he could warm his feet...
Over there by the fireplace he warmed his tired hands,
I wonder where did he come from, this quiet white haired man,
but I wasn't at all afraid of his peaceful ways you see,
this man dressed in poor, almost as poor as me...
As he left he turned and thanked me for all I had done,
but he forgot to take his gloves, so out the door I run,
He was gone in the blizzard and I couldn't hardly see,
so I took his ole glove's back to the house with me...
Just a little after midnight I awoke in the dark,
there wasn't a bit of fire just glowing cinders in the dark,
and where I'd placed his gloves by my little christmas tree,
there laid a brand new pair, and a Christmas Card for me...
and it read....
You gave me shelter and food to keep me warm,
you even tried to bring me my gloves in the storm,
so here's you a new pair,... the finest ever seen...
as an angel of the Lord
I'll be sure to tell the King....Merry Christmas
.......

What UBBT has done for me...........

Being part of the UBBT 7 team has changed how I approach my training, my training has brought me to a place that has changed me and how I approach life. Do I need to say more than that? Well, perhaps a little.
At the beginning of the year, I was very sick and could not do anything physical. I wanted to withdraw from the team but Sifu Brinker assured me that we would work it out. At the time, not being able to do anything for three months seemed like a lot of lost time and I questioned how I would reach any of my goals. I wasn't even sure that I could complete the acts of kindness requirement unless being nice to my dogs all day long counted. Sifu Brinker said, Do what you can. So I started slow, real slow, painfully slow, so slow that the seniors at the track were lapping me. I kept on blogging, although it felt like complaining with a little whining mixed in. And I kept up with my written assignments for class. All these things kept me engaged in my training and feeling like I was a part of the team. Being a part of the team was definitely what kept me going when I didn't think that I had it in me to do so. I gradually increased my training until I was doing between two and three hours a day. I am not sure if I would have accomplished as much if I wouldn't have increased slowly, I think that I would have gone charging out of the gates and run out of steam early. I have learned to listen to my body and push hard when I can and take it easy when I have to. I am still amazed at how much training I manage to fit in every day, and I do it because I want to not because I think that I should or that someone else wants me to do it. I like how I feel when I have put in concentrated effort every day to improve my kung fu.
I am learning to control parts of me that I thought were just parts of me that I can't do anything about. Like my feelings, my thought process and changing how you think so that you can have more confidence and try more things. Meditation and learning to consistently give positive messages to myself have made a huge difference in my life. I have learned to release my inner ninja.
I did not reach all of my goals and that is okay. I learned so much from each and everyone of them that I think that they are each a success. The real value in each goal is the journey trying to reach it, not necessarily reaching it. I learned to improve my eye for detail by paying attention to how I was feeling when I did a move or a form. I learned to break down my forms into small pieces so that I could figure how I wanted to move. I learned about working towards mastery when I decided to improve just one of my forms. I learned that I need my training to be a balance between class time, alone time and partner time. This could go on and on but I will stop here. As promised, UBBT 7 has changed me and how I approach my training for the rest of my life.
Until next week, work hard and have fun.

Turning Point

A life changing decision. How does one know when they are making such a decision? I am not really sure, I can say that it is not easy. You have to dig down deep and ask yourself, 'What do I really want?' without considering anyone else. The answer will probably come easy and quick, if you are really listening, and then comes the hard part.....acting on that decision. Even though the turning point was making the decision, the strength came in the telling. The more I explain myself the stronger I fell about the decision that I made.
I have wanted something so bad that I have changed my lifestyle, put pressure on all my relationships and worked harder than I ever have before. I came to realize that what I thought that I wanted wasn't the case at all. What I was striving for was the journey not the end result. Now I am embracing the journey.
I am not sure how to teach that to anyone else, I have heard that it is about the journey many times but I didn't really understand until I lived it. I guess I just answered my own question, the best way to teach it is to live.
Until next week, work hard and have fun!

Our (My) Troops

Support is an interesting concept.

When my brother returned from Afghanistan (in one piece), he explained to me what it is really like to be in a modern war. One of his comments was, it is not like those WWW II movies I always made you watch. It is like nothing I had imagined or could be fully trained for. It is nearly impossible to fight an enemy you can't see or protect a country when a bomb could go off in your face at any minute, but they keep going and continue to try to figure it out.

My oldest brother joined the Army more than twenty-five years ago and trained his whole life to protect us. He has spent years and years learning and sometimes teaching the best way to protect his country. When I expressed my concerns about him going to Afghanistan, he consoled me by explaining that he has been training his whole life for this opportunity. He feels privileged to serve his country, he calls it an opportunity!!! Imagine that?

My youngest brother is in the Army Reserves, he spent most of his summer training to protect us. He talks about his summer with pride and passion, he says that he missed his family but they understood what he had to do. He is not just saying that, his kids are very proud of their dad and the fact that he spends so much time training. They were excited that they had a short five day holiday to hang out with their dad.

So how do we support these people? I used to think that just being nice would work, but you also need to show some understanding that they have been through life-changing events and acceptance that they would do it again and again, regardless of the personal sacrifice. I have met many people that support our soldiers and they all do so in their own unique, successful way. Let's keep telling them that we appreciate that they fight so that we can live the way that we do.

These people are my living heroes.

Diet vs Kung Fu

My doctor and I have had a few discussions about my weight and thought we had come up with a strategy to decrease it. There is a program that was created by a doctor for athletes (sounds great so far) and it is high in protein and low in carbs ( I can live with that) and you have to do virtually no exercise in order for your body to burn fat (that's just not my reality). Let me explain; the diet provides you with enough energy to survive and burn fat instead of just carbs all the time. If you do any exercise (kung fu) then your body uses the energy it was going to use for fat burning, for the energy that you are expending. So I have been faced with a choice, do I go on this diet and not do any kung fu until I have reached my weight goal or do I scrap the diet and continue on with the life style that I love? It was a no-brainer, I couldn't even say take a break from kung fu without the words getting stuck in my throat. I didn't realize until I had decided to stop the diet that I had done it again. I said that I wasn't going to go on any more diets because I had my obsession over food under control. I had myself convinced that because my doctor recommended it and it was healthy that it wasn't really a diet. I was wrong, I quickly fell into old habits of punishing and rewarding myself with food. I need to re-group and make a better plan so that I don't get off track again. Clearly, my work in this area is not over, but I continue to move forward. I am sure that it looks like the same thing over and over again on the outside but on the inside I learn a little bit more about me and how I work each time I try something new.
Until next time, work hard and have fun.

Where do we go from here? Forward, of course!

I have no idea what to write about. Hmmmm.... I wonder how many times that has been the first line in one of my lengthy blogs? I am feeling like I should write something but I am not sure what it is, so I decided to start writing and see what comes up.
I am not where I thought I would be today, I thought that I would be past the test and working towards a similar but slightly different goal. Instead, I find myself refocusing, re-planning the next 300 days and trying to figure out what needs to change in my training regiment, if anything. For now, I am continuing on in my training, practicing my techniques, my forms and my kicks. I am paying attention to how I am feeling and what I am doing. I am staying in the moment as much as possible and I feel like I am at the beginning of something fabulous. Have you ever had the feeling? I have been so excited about where my Kung Fu is and where it is taking me for the past two months that I can hardly contain myself some days. I want everyone to experience this amazing feeling. I believe the prescription is hard work, dedication and keeping promises to yourself. As I look back over the past year or two and try to describe how I got to this point, I think of working on specific parts of a form over and over again, staying engaged in my training when I was too sick to participate, and getting going when I could and sometimes didn't feel like it. There were a few times when I trudged off to my workout, not really in the spirit of accomplishing anything other than the promise to myself that I would go. Those were some of my most amazing workouts, I usually discovered something ground breaking about how I moved, or ran an extra mile with energy and vigor. I am happy with what I have accomplished over the past little while and I look forward to learning more about improving myself and my world as I continue on with my journey.
Okay, so it wasn't that long!
Until next week, work hard and have fun.

Dreams

Beliefs

I had the opportunity to be a part of something amazing this weekend. My friend invited me to a baptism, I have been to many before and I thought that I knew what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised to find nine young people standing in front of the congregation, willing to declare their convictions. They each spoke about their journey, the support that they have received, and the path that they have chosen to follow. There was not a dry eye in the place! The passion and conviction was so strong that I am sure that many in the audience wanted to stand up and share theirs as well, I know that I did.
As an adult, it is sometimes hard to say what we believe and to stand by our principles. I drew strength from these young people and their beliefs and hope that I can continue to stand tall for what I believe in.
Thank you my friends for inviting me into your world.
Til next week, work hard and have fun.

Habitat for Humanity Gang

It's feels good to be surrounded by awesome people. Thank you for spending the day contributing to our community.

Til next, work hard and have fun.

More about me

For the past few weeks, I have felt like I am in exactly the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing. It is an amazing feeling. I am loving it. My training is going well, work is going fantastic (with some interesting opportunities opening up in the next couple of months), and the way that I process information is changing daily. I am looking at everything through different eyes and I like what I see. I used to question my every action, thought and spoken word (worried about saying the wrong thing, doing something stupid, etc), now I accept who I am and what I do. I am no longer constantly worried about what anyone else thinks. That doesn't mean that I have ripped the filter off and I say whatever I want, it means that I am not walking on egg shells around myself. What has changed, mindful meditation everyday. I have been learning about meditation throughout this year and I have been focusing on quieting (pretty sure that it is a word) my brain and slowing down the thought process so that I can figure things out. Well, it seems that I am figuring things out. I have more purpose to my meditation and self reflection, it has a path now. I feel so good, I have so much more physical energy, I feel smarter and able to handle anything that comes my way.
Til next week, work hard and have fun!

A litte about me....

I have spent the last 12 years in a battle with myself that was affecting how I live my life. I am obsessive and compulsive in regards to food. When I am happy, I eat. When I am sad, I eat. And any other emotion in between, I eat. I have been on countless diets, fad and otherwise. I have spent thousands (not a misprint) of dollars trying to control my weight, be smaller, not fat, etc. I was actually punishing myself with each diet. I would always think that everything would be better when I lost weight,finished my diet plan, etc. I didn't understand why I kept coming back to the same issue.
I now feel like I have been set free from something that was holding me back from reaching my potential. I discovered that I was using food to stuff my emotions and not really let them be. What can happen to people(me), is that when they experience an emotion (positive or negative) it evokes a memory that they would not like to rehash, so they do something to stop that emotion from happening. Eventually, eating becomes what they do, driven not by hunger, but by their emotions. Once that I realized that, through tons of work on my self and some meditation, I have managed to change the messages going on in my head. I do two things now that I didn't know that I could, I eat when I am hungry and I stop when I am satisfied. I feel fantastic, I am satisfied with less food and I have no desire to eat junk food (chocolate, candy, chips). It is worth mentioning that I had a little help from a fantastic book; "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth. I think that anyone that struggles with their weight, can't figure out how come diets don't work for them, is frustrated with how they are feeling, should read this book. It is about the food you eat, the love you have for yourself and your spiritual journey. It is definitely worth your time.
I know that I talked about this last week, but I wasn't sure that I did the topic justice my just talking about the book. I wanted to share my story and show the impact that changing your mindset can have.
Until next week, work hard and have fun.

Got Food?

I am reading a really good book, it is called Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth. I had heard about the book from one of my friends earlier this year and recently got it from the library. The book talks about our relationship with food and how you can be in charge of that relationship. When I first started reading the book, I wasn't sure if I could relate to what the author was talking about. Then she started talking about being in the moment, being aware of where you and what you are doing. These are words to live by at kung fu, so I kept reading and discovered that there is a different way for me to look at food. I feel like I am in charge now, and I can make the right choices, healthy choices for my mind and my body. I feel like I am free of something that I didn't think that I would ever have any control over. I can make choices that are good for me without feeling like I am making some sort of sacrifice or depriving myself. I used to think that food was a means to punish or reward myself and that is not a healthy way to approach something that you need in order to thrive. I am very excited at this new approach to food and how it will impact my life. I don't think that it will be all roses and sunshine but I am liking the change so far and I am willing to work hard to make it a part of how I live my life.
Until next week, work hard and have fun.

Working Hard and Loving It!

Last weekend, I had an absolutely great time. I attended our annual forms seminar and it was the type of day that I dream about. I had the privilege of focusing on Kung Fu from 9 am to 5:30 pm. It was fantastic! The day started with Tai Chi and then a fitness class and then on to the seminar. I love spending time with my forms, I like trying to figure out how I move and how to move differently. I like when people give me feed back so that I can make changes. I even liked performing at the end, even though I was nervous and didn't do my best performance. I learned so much that day that I think that it will take me some time to properly process it all.
The next day, full of cool aches and pains from all day at Kung Fu, I participated in the Rotary Run with one of my friends. Each year, I raise money to increase awareness of suicide prevention and provide more programs for people seeking help. I love this event because I really feel like I am making a contribution to my community and I enjoy participating as well. This year we did 10 km, I am thinking about doing the half marathon next year (just for fun!)
So, this week my training has all been tied into things that I learned last weekend. I would not have thought to put some of them together but there they were.
I am working hard and having fun, are you?

It's my birthday and I'll blog if I want to!

It is my birthday today and I am going to partly use that as an excuse not to write much today. The other side of the excuse is that I had an amazing weekend and I learned a ton of stuff and I am not ready to write about it yet.
Until next week,
Work hard and have fun.

When we share

Poet: Unknown

When we share laughter, there's twice the fun;
When we share success, we surpass what we've done.

When we share problems, there's half the pain;
When we share tears, a rainbow follows rain.

When we share dreams, they become more real;
When we share secrets, it's our hearts we reveal.

If we share a smile, then our love shows;
If we share a hug, then our love grows.

If we share with someone on whom we depend,
That person becomes family or friend.

And what draws us closer and makes us all care,
Is not what we have, but the things that we share

Ahhhhh.....assignments

I handed in two assignments yesterday that have each taken me a long time to complete. It was a pretty cool feeling to complete them.
One has been on my radar for approx. two years. I could have completed it at any time but I didn't quite understand it, so instead of trying to figure it out, I left it. This month I forced myself to take the time, sit down and get it done. Well,now I get it, I understand the assignment and the purpose behind it and I am glad that I completed it.
The second assignment was a physical requirement and a mental one. The assignment was to complete 26,000 push ups in six months. The first year that I attempted this, I didn't quite understand the concept of completing push ups EVERYDAY, and only completed approx 1/2 of them. Last year, I had my goal in sight and hurt my back towards the end and needed to take a mini-break from kung fu and push ups. This year, I learned that the battle is not physical alone, it is mental as well. If you tell yourself that you can't do it, or that you have no time for it, it will come true. If you work hard and figure out where to fit the push ups in, it becomes easier. It does not matter what changes in my life occur, I will always fit in my push ups. I still have 20,000 to complete this year for my UBBT challenge and I am confident that I will complete them.
It feels good to complete something that you have have been working towards for a long time, there is deep satisfaction in it.
Until next week, work hard and have fun.

Ouch!!!!

I hurt my back this afternoon, I was bending over to put the basket for cutlery back in the dishwasher and something changed (it also lends to my 'it's never anything cool' theory). I can't put my finger on exactly what but there was a definite shift and it hurt like crazy to straighten up. So now I am sitting on my couch with an ice pack on my back. This is an immense improvement from my usual response to injury. I usually deny that it really hurts and keep moving until I can't move anymore. I am learning.
The irony of the whole thing is that I had a really intense workout this morning and I feel like I am on the verge of a break through with my form. It feels like it is starting to change, or ready to change, it feels like I have nearly got it. I am not sure what it is yet but it feels pretty cool. I am sure that I won't lose that feeling as I wait for my back to rest, because the whole change started with me thinking differently about the form and approaching it differently and now I think that I can begin to put those thoughts into action.
This is a very exciting time for me and my martial arts, I am beginning to figure things out and learn from myself. I get how I learn and I am taking the time to allow myself to do it.
Woohoo!!!!!

Back to the grind or not

I returned from my camping trip on Wed. night and had left myself only one day to do all the chores required from such a trip. This means that Thurs. was crazy busy with laundry and errands and getting organized to start the work week. I think I like being busy like that, it seems like if I have too much time on my hands then I relax too much and I am not as productive.
I love getting back to work after a holiday or break. I have renewed energy and passion for my work that I didn't realize was waning until I got some rest. This is the beginning of my year, I take a big break in the summer and then come back ready to charge into a new year with vigor. I am excitedly planning my next suicide prevention workshop, checking in with the new staff members that I am training, supervising a new treatment program and re-establishing my team. I love it. I have always loved the beginning of the school year, what with the new faces, new books, etc. So it seems fitting that my work year begins each September with new ideas and enthusiasm.
So that has been my week in a nut shell, I am very happy to be back training with my kung fu friends. It is so energizing to be around people who are working hard and having fun.
My goal for this week is to fit in more time to practice yoga, it feels fabulous when I do it, I just need to find a spot for it.
Until next week, work hard and have fun.

Different training

So training while camping certainly took on a different look then I imagined that it would. I imagined (romanticized) practicing my forms in the fresh air of an isolated camping ground, doing tai chi in the peace and quiet that required little effort to stay focused. The reality was that I found different things to do everyday that challenged my physical being. I carried 5 gallon containers of water from the water pump back to our camp (I used to drive), I walked my dogs three times a day because there was no safe place to let them run and get their exercise, and I did my forms in my head. This took on a different turn than ever before because now I can imagine actually executing the moves on someone. It was a very good experience.
I think that one of the things that I like the most about camping that there is always something to do or take care of, from preparing meals to ensuring that our living space is looked after, to playing cribbage with my daughter. There is never a dull moment and instead of trying to fit kung fu into my life, it quite naturally was a part of my life. It is in how I breath, how I organize my day and how I treat myself and those around me. It is part of me.

Progress

This week has been a struggle as I attempted to implement the things that I learned last week into more of my movements. Each workout consisted of concentration, focus and using my eye for detail. It was exhausting mentally and I am not sure that I took very many steps forward. By the end of the week, I was sure that a demonstration of my form would show that I was actually taking steps backward instead of forward. My teacher assured me that it was progress to get stuck and have to try and figure things out. In comparison, last week was easy, I worked hard and the results were that I figured something out and rode on that high for the rest of the week. This week, I worked just as hard trying to implement the changes but I didn't figure anything out, I just worked hard. This week is more like a normal week than the other, making progress by practicing is what it is all about, just a little hard to swallow after a big break through.
Til next week, work hard and have fun.

I had a fantastic training week. I think that I finally understand the concept of the six harmonies. I was cognitive of the concept before but now I can feel it. I started out trying to figure out what was wrong with my punch, well, I knew what was wrong, I was trying to figure out how to fix it. I very patiently threw punch after punch, trying to be aware of my body and how it was moving together. I noticed through this scrutiny that my hips were not insinc with the rest of my movements. It seemed like they were moving separately, with their own agenda. When I moved my hips, shoulders, knees, elbows, feet and hands, together as a unit, everything began to fall into place. I am still getting used to using all the six harmonies together and it will need a lot of work but I am confident that I am making progress in the right direction. My forms feel different and better (right) and I am really excited about the changes that I am making.
I find this whole process absolutely amazing. There I am practicing and practicing and trying to be mindful and feeling like I was making progress, and then someone makes a comment and changes my focus just a smidgeon, and I am flying off (soaring really), in a direction that I was never really sure that I could take. I know that all my practice has not been wasted because I needed to have attained the level of awareness that I had in order to be ready for the next revelation. I am so excited about the possibilities that this opens up for me and how I move, I feel like I can do anything that I set my mind to.
Well, that is all for this week, til next week, work hard and have fun.

The highlights of my week was most definitely training. Several days this week, I had the opportunity to train with many different people on several different aspects of our art. One day, after a seemingly innocent question about Loa Gar, a group of us spent about 20 minutes, practicing and giving each other feedback. That kind of experience gives me such a rush of adrenaline and excitement about kung fu that I want to whoop and holler like a little kid. My week continued on with practicing techniques with my partner. We were trying to invoke reality into the techniques and after much laughter and many mistakes, they are beginning to look like something. Then I stumbled upon another group at the training hall practicing forms and spent some time with them, picking things apart and putting them back together again.
The thing that stands out for me is the camaraderie that I feel when I am working at the kwoon. While I am there, I am focused on what I am doing and where I am but I can feel the others around me working just as hard at what they are doing. I am not too sure if I can explain this very well but it is as if we are all working together and separately at the same time. I think that it is the common goal that bonds us, the strive to be better martial artists, the working towards perfecting our craft. I am so privileged to be part of such an excellent group of people, I can't wait to go back and practice some more on Monday.

Thanks

I think that it is really important to remember and respect the people that support us in our passions. The people that give up weekends away so that we can attend classes and train, the people that nod in understanding as we dash out the door instead of clearing the table after supper and the people that encourage to try our hardest and go for the gold every day. My family and friends have been amazingly supportive and understanding over the years since I have discovered my passion for Kung Fu. I am very grateful for them.

A funny thing happened on the way to the demo.....

I volunteered to be a part of the Canada Day demo for two reasons, I love to celebrate the birth of our country any way that I can and I figured the more exposure I get to situation where I am not comfortable the better. During the first practice, I was so nervous that I had a difficult time getting a grip on myself. I think that I was anxious because I have been working on my form and haven't showed anyone in a while. At least that is the only reason that I can see. I managed to complete it and only looked like an amateur a couple of times. The second ( and final ) practice was much better, I had had a chance to practice a bit with my partner and work out some logistics ( where to stand and all that). I was quite comfortable afterwards, hoping that I would not be too nervous on the performance day.
The day started bright and shiney, I think there were even some birds singing. My partner for one of the forms was my daughter and she has been performing at various demos since she was four (she's 12). We started the day together with breakfast and some visiting and then got ready to leave for the celebration. She wasn't nervous at all. We arrived early and wandered around a bit, talking with friends from Silent River and waiting to begin.
And then we started, the lion dance was very cool, I am beginning to tell the difference between different dancers and their styles. I thoroughly enjoyed the show. We were up next, we walked out onto center "stage" (it was outside) , looked into each others eyes and began. It felt absolutely fantastic, we were in-sinc and our intensity was out of this world. We finished strong and then waited for our next form. Then we performed with a larger group, we had only practiced together a few times but we managed to stay together and look good.
So here is the cool part, after we were done, someone said, that wasn't too bad, I was nervous this morning but it went okay anyways. I started to respond with yeah, me too and at that moment realized that I hadn't been nervous, before, after or during. I felt cool, calm and collected and it was an amazing feeling. I have been doing many different things to decrease my nervousness, like meditating and putting myself in situation where I need to remain calm at all costs. That day was the first day that my work has begun to pay off and it felt great.

I had a really good kung fu week and a really good week at work. In my training I have been spending more time than usual talking to other students about different techniques and each person's interpretation of those techniques. I have really enjoyed trying out ideas with people that I don't usually practice with, different body types and sizes also play a pretty big role in how you are going to execute a move. It has been educational and given me lots to think about.
My work week has been challenging and rewarding all at the same time. I am learning more about how I communicate as a supervisor and how to improve it. I am learning how to calmly and succinctly express myself when challenged by another staff member. I have discovered that when commenting on someone's performance it is best to just say it instead of trying to be nice about it (that just seemed to get me in more trouble). It is sort of like ripping the bandaid off, it's best to just do it and not hesitate.
I have also been preparing for and teaching my suicide prevention refresher workshop. I have changed how I present it this year and so far I have received positive feedback. I still have a couple more workshops to do this week but I am not nearly as anxious about how they will go. Talking about suicide prevention always gives me a boost of energy about my work and pushes me to try new things and encourage others to do so as well. I also get quite a thrill from the teaching aspect, it is fun to organize something and then present it.
I also have the pleasure of teaching some new people all about how great it is to do the job that I do. I look forward to meeting the new people and sharing my excitement with them.
Until next week, work hard and have fun.

Reflection

I was recently looking back through my blogs, wondering where I was last year at this time, seeing what other triumphs and tribulations had occurred. There is definitely a theme to my ups and downs but the results are different, there is a distinct difference in how I react and how I deal with similar situations. So many changes have happened in the past year, that I had forgotten some of them, it was interesting to reminisce with myself.
While I was searching, I noticed that I have blogged nearly as many entries so far this year as I had all of last year. I am pretty proud of that. I am no longer struggling each week to figure out what to write, I just write about what I have been thinking about the most. Blogging has been a really great experience for me, I enjoy looking back at what was happening for me and I enjoy writing about where I am today. It is sometimes hard to sit down and admit that things aren't great or I am not where I want to be, but afterwards, it always serves to help put things into perspective.
It was a great reflective week.
Til next time, work hard and have fun.

Time Flies

I can't believe how fast time is going. Each day, I try to pack in everything that I can, training and domestic stuff. I am performing at a much higher level than ever before and time is just whizzing by. It doesn't seem that long ago that I would be totally gassed after spending the day training, now I come home and keep going. I think that I can also tell the difference between being really tired and my mind trying to convince my body to throw in the towel. I feel like I am in charge of my training and the direction that my life is going and I like it. I have often felt that I should do this and I have to do that, and right now I am doing exactly what it is that I want and need to do. I think this may be the living definition of being in the moment.
My training is going well. I have been working on my kicks for some time and I think that I may have had a break through this week. They feel different when I am powering up and when I am hitting the bag, I can feel the energy start to move through my leg until it releases at the bag. I can't do this each and every time but I think that I know what I am working towards now.
My forms continue to change daily, sometimes I feel good and I think that my forms look good too, on other days if I am not feeling it, I think that my forms look awful. I have yet to figure out if it is my head or my body that is leading the charge on this one. I am suspicious of the head on this one. My cardio is improving slowly, I did not realize how long and how much work it would take to get some strength and endurance back in this area. I know that I have come a long way from the very slow walks that I was taking at Christmas time, I sometimes lose sight of that and expect to be able to do what I could at this time last year. On the days that I can accept my limitations, I think that I perform better than on the days where I fight it. Hmmm...could be a pattern here.
I am continuing to read as much as I can about improving myself, I am reading some stuff about other people's journeys and finding that pretty interesting. I think that I can relate to some of the struggles that others have experienced. This helps me stay focused on my bigger picture.
I am struggling to write my progress down in more than one place. I write in my journal everyday to keep track of my training, but I am not as consistent in entering the data on the PhysOut site. I will work to improve this as it is more time consuming to add up a week's worth of numbers to put in than it is to do it daily.
So that is where I am at, working hard, enjoying the improvements that I am seeing and still working hard at what I think are my deficits. Until next time, work hard and have fun.

Cool thing

A cool thing happened last week, a client that moved away called me. He was very excited to let me know that he had started studying a martial art. He is totally loving it and I can totally imagine him embracing the discipline and respect that he will be learning. I can picture him adapting his lifestyle and excelling at everything that he tries. I am very proud of him for going outside his comfort zone and kind of thrilled that he shared it with me.

What motivates you?

So you have had your breakfast, you are enjoying a nice cup of tea and you are planning your day. At what moment, in what thought pattern, do you get up and begin your day? You have many things to do and sitting around means some of them won't get done. What gets you up and moving?
I used to be one of those people that would sit and think of all the things that I had to get done and not move. The longer I sat the more disappointed I would get in myself for not getting up and moving it. As you can imagine, this was not a very successful life pattern. When I first started setting goals for myself, that is Kung Fu goals, I would go through a similar experience daily. Sometimes, I would get a little training in, but most days, I would not. This would set me up for a day, sometimes a week, of doing nothing. I had no faith in my ability to stick to a schedule, practice, do the things that I needed/wanted to do. It was like, I had so many things to do, that I was overwhelmed by it and did nothing.
So, what did I do? Well, I set my daily expectations to something small that I could accomplish no matter what was happening in my life. At that point, I couldn't look at the big goals, I could only focus on what I needed to do every day. Each day I contributed towards my big goal in some way and my confidence in my ability to follow my plan grew. I slowly added more things to my daily expectations until I was participating in the plan that I had set for myself. Some that is super smart,once told me that it is all about keeping promises to yourself. That is so true. When I get up and I do my push ups and sit ups each day before I do anything else, I am keeping a promise to myself and I carry that feeling around all day long. It also makes accomplishing many other things, a walk in the park because I have that trust in me already so I just get 'er done.

Searching.......

What am I looking for? What is the purpose of my journey?
At first, I wasn't sure, I engulfed myself with the physical, making sure that I was so busy I wouldn't have time for much reflection. I did add in some goals that would require reflection but sort of hoped that I could fake my way through those without any serious work. (I am trying to be as honest with myself as possible). I had thought about the end of the journey and what it would look like many times, it always involved dreaming about my physical accomplishments, nothing more. The reality is, I am looking for me. The last couple of weeks have revolved around figuring out which direction to go and receiving lots of advise and not knowing what to follow. This lead to the question, which way do I want to go and what would be best for me? I have no idea! I feel so out of touch with who I am that I don't think that I have the ability to make a decision based on what is best for me.
What do I think? What do I know? I feel lost in a sea of doubt. I am overwhelmed by the tasks that I have taken on. I am not sure that I have what it takes to complete my goals, right now it seems like too much. How do I find me in all of this? When I look too closely, I don't always like what I see, that scares me and I stop looking. I return to the physical because that is something that I am comfortable with. Should I keep pushing the physical and hope that the rest works itself out? Should I expand my journey so that I reflect more on me and what I really need to do to feed my soul?
The answer is yes. Don't stop, keep searching, striving, working, growing. One day, there will be more answers than questions.

Conflicted

So here I sit staring at the blinking cursor again. I am not sure what to write about because I have some conflict going on in my life and I am not sure how to deal with it. This then seeps into everything, creating a feeling of unsureness about everything. It is not catastrophic, just a shadow of doubt. I am not letting it control my world but I can definitely feel the effects of it. My training week was difficult, I seemed to have to really fight to find time to train and then when I got down to it, the energy, focus and intensity was not that great. When everything is going well in my world, I think that I am in control and nothing can stop me now. When I run into little glitches, I think that there is no control and I don't know where to turn to re-establish it. I am only now beginning to realize how black and white I am, in regards to how I react to the world around me. It's like I have two setting good or bad, no in between. So the eternal question is, how to I create internal harmony, regardless of the world around me? I know that I can not create harmony for anyone else. The struggle begins and ends with how do I limit my reaction to what is happening around me. Do I face adversity and gain experience on how to handle it? Do I protect myself from conflict until I feel strong enough to deal with it? How will I get stronger if I don't test and push myself? How do I get stronger if I am constantly testing that strength by welcoming adversity? I don't have any answers, just more questions.
These are the things that have been plaguing my mind for nearly two weeks. I think/hope that if I set aside the dilemma for now, the answers will come to me.

What to write.....

So I have no idea what to write this week. It seems like it has been a long time since I face this struggle. I wasn't sure at first how to deal with it, but I have decided to start writing and see what comes out.
My training was great.
Thirty minutes later....
Okay I don't have anything to say, til next week.
Work hard and have fun.

It's about what you don't see

It sort of felt like cheating the other day when I posted my May assignment as a blog posting. So here are some thoughts on that.
I have been thinking a lot about mastery in the last couple of weeks. Partly due to the assignment to memorize Stewart Emery's thoughts on mastery and partly because I really thought about the words that I was committing to memory. It is about a bit more than expecting more of yourself than others do, it is about doing it. I thought it would be about others noticing a difference but it's not, it is about affecting that difference. It is about countless hours of practice anywhere and anytime. It is about breaking down techniques and forms and putting them back together. It is about not only having an eye for detail but knowing exactly what that means and how it feels.
I had a rather romantic idea of what it would be like on the journey to black belt, I thought about the thank you speech, the sense of accomplishment and the sense of relief. I did not realize that it would be about what you don't see, the dedication and determination that I need to rely on each day to accomplish my daily goals.
So on the road to mastery, it is important to surround yourself with people who expect more of you than you do and to rid your environment of mediocrity. It is also important to work hard every day, regardless of how you feel and what is going on in your head or your life.

Mastery by Stewart Emery

Mastery in our career and consciousness simply requires that we constantly produce results beyond the ordinary. Mastery is the result of consistently going beyond our limits. For most people, it starts with technical excellence in a chosen field and a commitment to that excellence. If you are willing to make a commitment to excellence and surround yourself with things that represent excellence and pursue events and experiences that become miracles, your life will change. ( When we speak of miracles, we speak of events and experiences in the real world that are beyond the ordinary).

It is remarkable how much mediocrity we live with, surrounding ourselves with daily reminders that the average is acceptable. Our world suffers from terminal mediocrity. Take a moment to assess all the things around you that encourage you to remain average. These things keep you powerless, unable to go beyond the limits that you have arbitrarily set for yourself. Take you first steps towards mastery by removing everything in your environment the represents mediocrity, removing your arbitrary limits. Try surrounding yourself with friends that expect more of you than you do. Didn't some of your best teachers, your coaches, your parents expect more of you?

On the path to mastery, erase any resentment towards masters. Develop compassion for yourself so that you can be in the presence of masters and grow from the experience .Rather than comparing yourself and resenting people who are masters, remain open and receptive; a let the experience be like planting a seed within you - with nourishment, it will grow into your own individual mastery.

Correction is essential in power and mastery. You see, we are all ordinary. But a master, rather in condemning himself for his ordinariness, he embraces his ordinariness and uses it as a foundation to build the extraordinary. Instead of giving up, like ordinary people do, a master uses his ordinariness to correct his errors, which is essential in the process towards attaining mastery. You must be able to correct yourself without condemning or invalidating yourself, accept the results and improve upon them.

Correct, don't protect.

Focus

This week was a real struggle to stay focused. My work threatened to steal my attention on more than one occasion between troubled children and yearly performance reviews it was hard not to get sucked into that world. By that I mean allowing it to dominate my thoughts and actions when I am not there. As I fought to stay focused, I found it hard to participate in routines that I have been following for months. It was okay once I got started but I really had to push myself to start. I also combated this by arranging to train with others and talking to my support people about how I was feeling. I must admit that it was not the most successful week as far as numbers go, I spent a lot of time talking and planning and I did have one day that I didn't actually do anything physical. It was a successful week in that I worked through a tough time without fully stopping my training and I learned a little about myself. I love being surrounded by people who are also working towards mastery, I feel like I am in the right place. I finished the week off with participation in our annual Pitch-In with family and friends and an amazing 2 & 1/2 hour workout that required focus and attention. I am tired but pleased with how the week turned out.

Highlights

I feel like I have many things to write about and I am not sure how to put them all down succinctly. So I am going to go with a highlights list.
1. I figured out how to make my long hours of practice pay off. I usually get very nervous when I have to display my form to anyone. I discovered this week that when I get nervous, I display the exact same form every time. This means unfinished techniques, rushing to finish and not flowing or relaxing. When I practice by myself (even in a public place), I slow down and focus on techniques and it feels really good. So I was talking to my friends this week while we were practicing and I started expressing all the things that I usually just keep to myself. We talked about being nervous in front of fellow students, sifus and in public. We talked about how that was manifesting itself in my forms and we figured out how to combat it somewhat. Somewhere in my head, I had decided that when showing anyone my form, I had to be intense and fast. My friends and I decided that I should slow down when showing someone the form, just like in practice. It was like a light bulb went off in my head and I think that I get in now. By trying to do it just like in practice, I am calmer and therefore have slowed down and my technique is improving each time that I do the form. I participated in a demonstration yesterday and I was definitely calmer than I can ever remember being after a performance. The moral of this little story is that practice does make a difference because you can draw on the experience when you need it.
2. The annual tournament is coming up and I have to work. It totally sucks but that is just the way it is. Aside from not being able to be there, it has opened up a tremendous opportunity for me. I don't have to worry about what to do about performance anxiety so I am open to what is happening around me. I am getting to help so many people with their forms and sparring strategies and it feels great. I would not have had this experience otherwise. It was so exciting to be at the kwoon during open practice yesterday and see so many people excited about their kung fu journeys. I actually feel like I am more a part of the tournament than I have ever been and I hope that someone takes lots of pictures to see how it turns out.
3. I am still experimenting with my food energy. I am really enjoying some homemade energy bars which are great for days when I am at the kwoon all day. I have also been experimenting with smoothies, the book I am using (actually borrowing), has different smoothies for different needs. For example, there is one to reduce swelling and works really good for my aching knees at the end of the day. There is others that give you energy, help you recover from an intense training session and also to keep you full for longer. One of favorite things is the cereal bar, it takes a bit of time to prepare and one hour to bake but in makes 8 bars to keep in the fridge which is great to have if you are on the run. I am still eating one meal a day that is not raw as I didn't want to shock my body with a drastic change. I have done that before and didn't like the results.
So those are the highlights of my week, I have to stop now or I won't have time for my training before work.

Robyn Kichko
Silent River Kung Fu

To blog or not to blog......

I have been thinking about blogging this week and how much my attitude towards it has changed over the last few years. At first, when the ideas was presented to me, I was mortified. Journalling has always been such a private thing for me, it is where I write all my thoughts and feelings that I don't feel comfortable sharing with anyone else. The idea of sharing even some of those thoughts and feelings was scarey. So I started writing about things that I thought others would be interested in or learn from. I also thought that they had to be long and thought provoking. My entries were not exactly what I wanted to say but they were entries and that was what I had promised to produce. Lately, I have been focusing on sharing just a bit of what my week has been like, a thought that stands out or an experience that has an impact on my training. I am focusing on what I want to write/share and not what I think others want to read. It is working for me, I am not sure that I appreciated the benefits of blogging until recently. I feel like I get it now, by sharing my experiences, I might reach someone who is struggling with a similar thing, but I can't write like I have to reach someone else. It just comes out cheesy and not authentic.
Those are my thoughts for this week.
Robyn Kichko
Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, AB, Canada

you are what you eat

I have been plagued with bronchitis and other chest and lung infections for years. I usually get sick about twice a year and it stops my training for up to a month sometimes (right before Christmas, I was sick and had to stop training for 2 months and then it took two more months of modified training to get back at it). Well, with the pace that I have set for myself this year, I don't really have time to get sick. I have been researching food intake for the past couple of years, trying to figure out what my bodies needs so that I can push it to the limit on a regular basis. I have discovered a very healthy eating plan, I think that I know when I need protein and when I need carbs and when I don't really 'need' anything at all. I have recently been reading The Thrive Diet by Brendan Brazier, he is a professional ironman triathlete. I have had the book for quite some time and I keep picking it up and reading it and putting it down again. This week I decided that it was time to try some of it. The diet is based on whole foods and the energy that you can get from them. I have been trying some of the recipes and enjoying the results of my efforts. I have more energy and I feel great. The food is tasty and not that difficult to make, I am not great in the kitchen. I am not quite ready to dive in with both feet and eat nothing but raw foods ( I have done this with other diet plans and lived to regret it) but I am willing to keep trying new recipes and slowly transition over to a more beneficial diet plan. I tried one of the smoothies last week that is for reducing swelling and it really took the swelling out of my knees. I have made the energy bars and have had no trouble attending my fitness class and then practicing forms for 90 minutes. I am excited about this new way of eating but I have learned that moderation is that best way for me to proceed.

Forms Marathon

So I'm talking to Sifu Brinker a couple of weeks ago and I say, 'Hey, are we going to do that forms marathon, again?'. A couple minutes later, we are talking about something else and I am organizing the marathon. I honestly don't know how he does that, not only was I organizing it, I was totally excited about the challenge. Armed with a list of things to take care of, I was off and running. I thoroughly enjoyed the project, everyone I talked to was willing to help and do anything that was necessary. I must admit that I had a few moments of panic when I wasn't sure that we would be able to accomplish our mission but my fellow students came through in the end. Somewhere along the way, it didn't make a difference whether we completed the mission ( 24 hours of non-stop forms), it mattered that we worked together and had a great time doing it.
I had an amazing training experience to boot. I decided that I would concentrate only on Kempo 3 while I was at the marathon. I couldn't believe the level of focus I was able to achieve, my eye for detail improved and I was able to make some fundamental changes in how I do the form. I also had the privilege of watching my daughter reclaim a form that she had forgotten that she knew. She not only remembered all the moves, she was able to add her own style to it. During our evening shift, we were exposed to many different forms, from tai chi to the long spear form. It was really neat to see fellow students doing their favorite forms. All in all, it was a great experience.

Who are you?

When I think of great leaders, past and present, each one can be defined with a word. Hope, Courage, Determination, etc. I think that if each person, in the world, chose a word that they wanted to represent who they are and worked towards it, our world would be different. I am talking about 100% effort, with as much enthusiasm as some put towards being fastest, richest and bossiest. I think that is when people will start to be good leaders and have a positive impact on their environment. All the other things that they want to accomplish in their lives will fall into place as they put all their efforts in being one thing. I have been thinking about this all week and wondering what one word would describe be best. I am not sure and I think that is why sometimes I lose my direction, because I haven't quite put my finger on exactly where I am going. I have lots of ideas and I work really hard at all of them, but the one true direction has alluded me so far. This last month I have really appreciated the benefits of hard work and following through on what I say I will do, somewhere inside that is who I am.

LOA GAR

We have this form that we have to learn if we want to grade for our black belt. It is called Loa Gar. It is different than the other forms that I have learned so fa, in many ways. The moves and the stances are different and they do take some getting used to, I'm not there yet. It is also different in the sense that you may not learn it from a black belt (that's how we usually learn new forms). The challenge is that you have to learn it from another student. For me, the challenge came when most of the people that I would have been comfortable asking for help, got promoted to black belt, making them off limits. At first I was kinda scared and worried that I would not learn it in time to become at least proficient before the test. Then I began to worry about who I could learn it from, at first I had no idea where to start. Then I took a look around and started asking people what they knew and if they could teach me. My first Loa Gar teacher was my friend who was visiting from China. It was an interesting experience to put aside the ego (mine) and let someone teach me, especially a friend. It was totally awesome, she laid the ground work, explained the form and instilled in me the patience to settle down and let myself learn. I found myself wishing that she could teach me the whole form, that was not to be the case. She had to go back to China and continue her training (Saturday training is still not the same without her). So there I was, part of the form to practice and absolutely no comfort zone. I started asking other students who I had seen perform the form and/or practicing it. Some of them looked as uncomfortable as I felt at the prospect of helping a higher belt. It took some discussion but we managed to get passed it. I have worked with a few different people and it has been an amazing experience. I have gotten to know some of the other students(as martial artists) and how they train and I have stepped out of my comfort zone. I am much more comfortable going up to a fellow student and saying, 'Hey, you know that part in Loa Gar.... can you show me?' I am almost at the stage where I know all the moves ( I keep forgetting that last few moves) and I am sure to any of the black belts watching that it looks like a jig saw puzzle that doesn't quite fit, but I am now confident that I will not only learn the rest of the form, I will master it.
I hope that my actions have encouraged others to go outside their comfort zone and ask for help with the things that they are struggling with. We often talk about being one big family, in families we help and support each other, no matter what level you are at. I am very glad that I stepped outside my zone.

Robyn Kichko
Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, AB, Canada

Just more learning

This was an amazing workout week. I managed to stay on task, even when the very tempting opportunity to have tea and chit chat with one of my friends was presented. The more I trained, the better I felt about myself and my goals. Taking consistent action has a profound affect on taking consistent action, for me. I kicked, sweated, repeated my forms until I couldn't and then at the end of the week, I stepped way out of my comfort box completely. I performed my forms on video tape for the purpose of studying how I move and how I can improve that movement. I was so nervous going in, I couldn't believe that I had agreed to use such a training tool. What could I possible learn that couldn't be accomplished in front of the mirror at the kwoon? Was I wrong!!!! Right after the taping, I brought my precious tape home and watched it. I was surprised that I was able to watch with some objectivity and learn something about how I am moving. It was completely cool. I am looking forward to seeing that tape many more times to see what I can learn. ( Of course, I have experienced a slight technology glitch, I can't seem to locate the videos on the camera, I am sure that I will figure it out!!!!!).
Those weren't the only learning moments that occurred this week. I received some feedback and instead of responding in a negative manner, I accepted what I heard and incorporated it into my training. It wasn't long ago that I would not have been able to process that type of information that quickly or with a positive outcome. It felt fantastic when all was said and done. (Of course, I am skipping over the crying and self-pity part of the purposes of keeping this positive.). I feel more in charge of who I am and the impact that the world around me can have on my mood, affect and ability to accomplish the things that I want.

The more I learn, the more I learn

So it wasn't all that long ago that I learned about the process of incremental progress. I figured that I could relate to the concept because I was (am) recovering from a lung infection and I have to train smart and not exhaust myself. I can still relate to it but my comfort and knowledge about the concept is growing. I am learning how I can use the statement to keep me in the moment and thinking about my training all day long. If I think about the phrase 'process of incremental progress' first thing in the morning and the last thing at night, then I think about my training throughout the day and manage to fit in more moments of training than usual. I have only been doing this for two days and I can already see a difference in how I train. I am not suggesting that training is far from my mind and I need reminders to act on it. My training seems to have a life of its own lately and the intensity seems to be growing and growing. The more I train, the more that I want to train. It is just like learning, the more I learn abut how my brain works the more that I want to learn about I work.
Things that are totally working for me and I will want to look back and remember them when I need a boost:
1.Stop thinking about it, get off my butt and do it.
2.Meditation, focusing on changing negative thought patterns into positives.
3.Planning - make a plan each day, be willing to adjust, not throw it out in the face of adversity.
4.Follow the plan to the best of my ability.
5.Write down what is working so that I can remember when I need it.
Have a great week
Robyn Kichko
Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, AB, Canada

WE ARE MORE

Some of you may have missed this poem at the opening ceremony for the 2010 Olympics, I thought I would share some of Shane Koyczan's words with you. ( FYI - He starting writing as a means of coping with relentless bullies.)

"Define Canada
You might say the home of the Rocket
Or the Great One
Who inspired little No.9's and little No.99's
But we're more that just hockey and fishing lines
Off of the rocky coast of the Maritimes
And some say what defines us
Is something as simple as "please" and "thank you"
And as for "you're welcome," well, we say that, too
But we are more than genteel or civilized
We are an idea in the process of being realized
We are young, we are cultures strung together then
woven into a tapestry
And the design is what makes us more than the sum
totals of our history
We are an experiment going right for a change
With influences that range from A to Zed
And yes, we say "Zed" instead of "Zee"
We are the brightness of Chinatown and the laughter of
Little Italy
We dream so big that there are those
Who would call our ambition an industry
We reforest what we clear
Because we believe in generations beyond our own
Knowing now that so many of us
Have grown past what we used to be
We can stand here today
Filled with all the hope people have
When they say things like "someday"
Because we are more
Than a laundry list of things to do and places to see
More than hills to ski
Or country ponds to skate
We are the abandoned hesitation of all those who can't
wait
We are the first-rate greasy spoon diners and healthy living
cafes
A country that is all the ways you choose to live
A nation that can give you variety
Because we are choices
We are millions upon millions of voices
Shouting, keep exploring
We are more
We are the surprise the world has in store for you, it's
true
Canada is the "what" in "What's new"
So don't let your luggage define your travels
Each life unravels differently
And experiences are what make up
The colors of our tapestry
We are the true North
Strong and free
And what's more
Is that we didn't just say it
We made it be."

Robyn Kichko
Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, AB, Canada

Dreams......

So last night I dreamt about the banquet. Not in the present but what it would be like to have to run the whole thing. We were talking about it last night as we were unloading the last of the equipment, our conversation mostly centered around, 'were we up to the task?'. I guess this conversation was not far from my thoughts as I went to sleep a short while later.
In my dream, I was in charge of making sure that the banquet ran smoothly and everyone was taken care of. All kinds of disastrous events occurred and I won't bore you with the details but there were monsters involved. The coolest part was that despite all the crazy stuff that was going on, I knew that it would be okay because I had my Kung Fu family behind me. I woke up with a complete feeling of contentment and the knowledge that no matter what I tried to accomplish or whether I failed or succeeded, my Kung Fu family would have my back.
Robyn Kichko
Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, AB, Canada

Going for Gold

I can totally relate to the Olympic athletes and what it takes to not settle for mediocrity. They must have to work every day to attain their goals, one step at a time. Well, me too. I will just enjoy my day, each day and all that I can work on and improve on. I had a great day today. I completed 1000 push ups and sit ups to commemorate Chinese New Year. It feels awesome to live in the moment, all day long. I can see myself reaching my goals this way, one day at a time.
Robyn Kichko
Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, AB, Canada

Support

What does it look like and how do you know that you are giving and receiving it?

I have often heard that I am a good support person. I am not even sure that I know what that means. I know that if I see someone working hard, I let them know that they are doing a good job. I know that if someone is frustrated with their inability to make their body do the moves that they want, that I encourage them to keep trying. This usually entails a story about how awkward I felt trying the same thing in the beginning (or last week). If those things are what it takes to be a good support person, then I guess I am.

What do I want/need in a support person? Well, that is a loaded question. Sometimes, I need quiet, soothing encouragement and reassurance that I am doing a good job. Sometimes, I need to be yelled at to move my butt and stop giving in to the negative messages. Can I tell what I need at any given time? No. Does that make me normal or not? I guess that depends on your definition of normal, it is what it is.

I know that this weekend, I went outside my comfort zone and asked for help and received heaps of it. That is a different kind of support as well. The 'Hey, I know you can do it ' kind, always makes me feel good.

I have been thinking that I am the only one that can make or break my success when it comes right down to it. This is true, no one else can make me get off my butt and do my push ups but knowing the team that is behind me, well, that is immeasurable.

In the Moment?

Yesterday, I spent most of the day trying to figure out what I was going to write about. Well, it came to me late in the evening, the truth. I did not have a very good week. My work was the center of the dissatisfaction. It was many different things, which is usually the case, but here are a few. We (as a group) are dealing with some team changes, all of them good but emotionally draining. We are dealing with some tough things with our clientele, the main focus is not feeling loved and not wanting to live with that feeling anymore. To say the least, each day had me dragging my sorry butt home to the couch in hopes of not moving for a very long time. I did not give into the desire to do nothing, I just went to bed early in hopes of gaining enough energy for another day.

How does this relate to my training? Well, I am not sure that I know how to put all that stuff aside and focus on my training. I can do my forms and techniques thoughtlessly and keep my numbers up, but I am having a difficult time staying in the moment and keeping an eye open for detail. When I am on afternoon shift (3-11), I do my training in the morning and I wake up fresh ready for a new day and away I go. When I am on day shift (7-3), I bring all my baggage home with me and I have a hard time shutting it down so I can focus on my training. When I have a good day a work this is not a problem, it is the other days that worry me. I don't want to get so far behind in my training that it feels impossible to catch up.

I have been meditating in the morning to start my day out freshly, perhaps if I meditate after a tough shift, then I can get some of my focus back.

If anyone has any tips or ideas, please feel free to offer them up, I would appreciate them.

Sihing Robyn Kichko
Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, AB, Canada

The Process of Incremental Progress

The process of incremental progress:
Hmmmm..... We talked about this in our Friday night class and it makes a lot of sense. We talked about being patient with ourselves and (what I heard) trusting the process. Keep on practicing everyday and pushing yourself everyday and you will reap the rewards and you will make progress. I have been reading blogs today and the message in most of them was quite clear; "Do a little bit more and you will move forward, 5 more minutes on the bike, 1 more pushup...." We are learning the process of incremental progress every day. In our practice, in our education and in our careers, and in our families.
I think that sometimes when you are in the middle of something that it is hard to be patient and trust the process. I experience this at least once a day, and then I remind myself not to focus on what I used to be able to do but what I can do. I also remind myself of my goal to train smarter this year, and not push myself so hard that I can't practice or even go to class. I am making progress each and every day that I train and I am not sitting on the couch.
Training this week has been interesting. I have been practicing forms and one in particular has been alluding me at different points. Each day, I recover memory about one part only to lose the memory of another. I am confident that it will all come together with persistence, it is interesting how it is working itself out. I am also learning a new form, it seems like it has been a long time since I have learned a new one and that puts an interesting twist on things. One has to think differently when learning something new, you have to open yourself up and allow the learning to take place. You have to completely trust your instructor and build trust with them as well. There are moments of vulnerability and of confidence and of unsureness and complete and total happiness. I was exhausted by the time the lesson was over, not just from the 90 minutes of physical concentration but from all the emotions that needed to be dealt with in the process. We also engaged in the process of incremental progress, I would learn a new move, practice it and then add on another move. I did not learn the whole form but as part of the process, I will practice what I learned until the opportunity to add more presents itself (or I create the opportunity to learn more of the form).
That's all for this week, I have to go and practice my new and old forms.
Robyn Kichko
Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, AB, Canada

Unstanding? Understanding! or Understanding.

This first week has been great. I thoroughly enjoyed all the classes that I attended this week. From learning cool techniques with the blue/brown class to tai chi and sweating at Shoalin, it has been a very good week. I feel like I am right where I need to be to maximize my potential.
I had an ah-ha moment the other day when I learned that something that I am struggling to understand, does not need to be understood right now. I can accept that I will understand one day, it was the fight to understand that was frustrating and hurting my brain. I can move forward knowing that the light will eventually turn on.
I also learned this week that I can't just move my body in a way that someone is telling me, I have to know what the move is for and understand it's purpose. I am still struggling to fully actualize the move but I am confident that it will come with time and practice.
I really feel like I am staying mindful throughout my days. At the end of each day, I sit down and review what I learned and what I accomplished and it feels good. Each day, I feel like I am making strides forward, to be a better person and to be a better martial artists. It is not always easy, and the struggle is somewhat tiring at times, but it feels great to accomplish something everyday.
I feel on top of the world and ready to conquer any of the challenges that this year brings.

Excited and nervous

I am excited and nervous about starting this year. I know that I will face a lot of challenges this year, both physically and mentally, and I am looking forward to it. The other day, I was thinking about my requirements how I was going to accomplish them on a daily basis, and I couldn't quite imagine what it would look like. So, I got up and did one of my forms four times and it only took a few minutes and I could see the change occurring as I repeated the form. I will use this experiment to motivate me through times of challenge and stress when I don't think that I have enough time to do Kung Fu.
Happy New Year Everyone
Robyn Kichko
Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, AB, Canada